Sixty Two

I have decided to put my romantic disappointment behind me Pips because ultimately Princess was not such a lovely girl after all and I have been unhappy now for two weeks and I do not think that she deserves my unhappiness if I may say so. I realise that there are many wonderful things in the world for me to be cheerful about and I have you and Freddie and Terry and Will and Nadine and most of the people at work apart from Simon and I do not need someone like Princess in my life is she is not going to be nice to me. And I do not think I should be made to feel bad about my chosen career path either, do you Pips? After all, it is my future happiness that is at stake and she has no right to be judgmental about it. Freddie cheered me up no end when he said that she is no fun at all and so would not have been any good for a fun loving dog like me anyway. I trust Freddie. I really do.

The other thing I wanted to say is that I was thinking last night that I would very much like to go on a holiday. I think it is fair to say that I feel absolutely emotionally exhausted from the rejection by Princess and by being called a weirdo, and also from the impending responsibility of my new career. I am thrilled to be chipped now, Pips, I really am. It was a wonderful idea of yours in fact and I have been thinking about where I would like to go. Freddie says that I would very much enjoy abroad and that I may even meet some much lovelier girls than Princess in France, Italy or Spain for example. Wait! What are we…..? We are not catching the bus are we? But it is a lovely day………. it is a lovely day Pips! I do not want to go on the bus. I DO NOT WANT TO GO ON THE BUS!
‘Ssssh sssh George. Come on’.
But it isn’t even raining Pips. The sky is blue.
‘We’re running very late this morning’.
That is not my fault. No, not at all and… NO, I AM NOT MOVING!
‘You know what? This behaviour gets very bloody boring George. Occasionally we have to catch the bus. It’s not often but sometimes it is necessary and I am fed up of going through this rigmarole every time. That is enough!’
NO DO NOT PICK ME UP DO NOT PICK ME UP PHILIPPA!
‘You can make as much noise as you like but I am not going to pander to you. I’ve had enough of the same old argument and/ …. wait a minute. Oh my gosh George.. you’re back! The old George is back!’
It is Pips. Aren’t you thrilled?
‘Welcome back George! I’ve only just realised…. Thank goodness. It’s very nice to have you back to your old spirits’.
Yes isn’t it Pips. I feel so much better thank you.
‘I’ve been so worried about you’.
Well I was going through a difficult time it has to be admitted but I have worked through my disappointment and am pleased to be back. No don’t kiss me Pips. I do not like to be kissed in public. It is not good for my reputation. GET OFF!
‘Careful of my nose George. I don’t want it bitten off’.
I have an idea Pips. Why don’t we walk to work to celebrate my being back to my old self? I would very much like that because we can have some quality time together in the Spring air, just you and me, and have a chat about this and that before we get into the office.
‘Oh it’s so lovely to have you back George even with your very difficult and unique character/
And I can tell you all about my holiday plans.
‘but right now it is very late and we are getting on this bus. Where’s my Oyster card? Ah, here it is!’

Twenty One

'Please George. Don't start'.
It's only drizzling Pips.
'It's pouring. I don't want to arrive at work soaked. We are getting on the bus'.
But I don't mind getting wet.
'Come on'.
The bendy buses make me sick Philippa. And you have no principles. You said you didn't like them either. You called them suburban if I rememb/
'OK that's it. Do we have to go through this every time?'
Don't pick me up Philippa do not pick me up!
'I know you don't like being picked up but it's too bad. We're holding up the queue and everyone is looking at us. They're all thinking what a badly behaved dog you are'.
How do you know what they're thinking?
'You're really demoralising George. We've got the Management Committee Meeting next week in which I am supposed to be showing you off as a wonderfully obedient dog who will be absolutely no trouble to anyone when in fact nothing could be further from the truth'.
Oh kiss my arse Philippa…
‘I haven't made any progress with you in five months. We still have this rigmarole every time we go near a bus, I don't dare let you off the lead because you run away/’
I WAS NOT RUNNING AWAY, I WAS RUNNING IN CIRCLES!
‘Ssssh Ssssh George! I'm sorry, he doesn't like buses. He'll calm down in a minute'.
And I would prefer it if you didn't speak for my intentions Pips, actually, as you misinterpret them every time.
‘I don't know what to do with you. I really don't'.
Well that's not my problem.
'OK I'm just putting you down again a second. I can't find my Oyster card now'.
And that's another thing. I've noticed that you are the only person who swipes their Oyster card on these buses. You shouldn't bother Pips. No-one else does. Just a tip to save you some money. Thank you George. You're welcome.

Five

'Ow George get off my face!'
Get up Pips. It's work today. We're going to work it's work today we're going to work!
'I don't know what you're so excited about. We've got work today'.

'OK, so have we got everything? We've got your basket, bowl, ball…..'
What about my bone? I do like it to chew on occasionally when I feel insecure - which is hardly ever but as I've never been to work before I think I would like to bring it with me just in case.
'Oh! And I suppose I'd better bring your bone too. So I've got your basket, bowl, ball and bone. Let's go'.

What a beautiful day Pips. Look at the plane high up crossing the blue. These crisp autumn days are my favourite when the sun shines low on the windows/
'….important that you're on your best behaviour today'.
and my nostrils are chill
'We don't want a repeat of the other night with Margaret and Joy'.
and the falling leaves crunch under my feet
'or we'll be in trouble'.
and smell so good.
'Do you hear me George?'
I'm listening although I'm also appreciating the weather Pips if you don't mind.
'Simon has very kindly allowed me to bring you to work and I wouldn't have been able to have you if he hadn't agreed to it. So please be good OK?'
Is there enough room at work for me to play rough and tumble if I feel like it?

What are you stopping here for Pips? Oh no. No no no no no no no!
'George?'
You didn't say we were going to catch the bus this morning.
'What's the matter?'
You said we would catch the bus if it was raining and it's not raining Philippa, no.
'What? We have to catch the bus George. I can't walk with all your stuff as well as mine. Your basket is awkward to carry/'
Sometimes I think I may as well talk to myself. What have I been saying to you since I arrived?
'I'll take you to Bloomsbury Square at lunchtime for a runaround I promise'.
I have made it quite clear on several occasions that I do not intend to travel on another bus and it won't be a runaround Pips because you don't let me off the lead so what sort of a runaround is that?
'Ssssh George, what has got into you?'
'Don't sssssh me Philippa. Do not ssssh me! I do not like to be shut up or ignored. Not at all.
'We'll walk home George when I've not got all your stuff to carry but right now we just need to get to work'.
You lied to me Pips. You said we would catch the bus if it was raining. You didn't mention anything about catching a bus because you're feeling lazy/
'No! I don't believe it'.
What? What Pips?
'When did the No. 38 become bendy?.'
Bendy? What are you talking about?
'Look at that George'.
'The 38 changed.. ooh it must be a couple of weeks ago now love'.
Hello? Who are you?
'Really? But I hate these buses'
Good. We won't go on it Philippa. Let's walk. Come on. Come…. What are you doing? No. Get off me. Get your hands off me Philippa! Put me down. Put me down right now!
'George stop scrabbling'.
'Your dog doesn't like them either by the looks of it'.
'No I don't think he likes buses. George…. please. I can't…'
Put me down Philippa!
'You want a hand love? Give me that'.
'Thank you. I just…'.
Hey! Get your hands off my basket!
'George don't be so aggressive'.
But he's holding my basket and there's no room in here and what's that woman looking at me like that for?
'Sssh it's OK George. I'm really sorry. Could we just squeeze through…. Thank you. Thanks. We'll have to wedge ourselves in the bendy bit here George. All right I'm putting you down. I'm putting you down. There we go. Is that better?'
No it's not.
'I can take the basket now. Thanks'.
It's not at all better, no. George does not like being picked up and moved somewhere he does not want to go. I am always willing to make compromises from time to time, occasionally, if I really have to, when there is absolutely no alternative, but there is no excuse for catching a bus on a fine autumn morning like today and I do not like strangers touching my basket. I am disappointed in you Philippa, yes I am.
'Please calm down George'.

'I've been off work for a couple of weeks. I didn't realise the 38 had changed from the Routemaster'.
'Blame Ken Livingstone love. They're his idea.'
'But the Routemasters….they're London'.
Pips? The floor is moving down here…
'These bendy buses are so suburban'.
I'm turning…
'I feel like I'm living in Beckenham or Cheam or some other awful place that I'm practically bankrupting myself to avoid'.
What's wrong with Chea/ I'm turning back again.
'You can never get a seat on them either'.
I don't feel too well Pips….

'What's going on?'
'…Philippa's new dog…'
'What's wrong with it?'
'….sick on the bus on the way in…'
'No!'
' Where is it?'
'Under her desk. She brought a basket in.'
'Poor Simon… he wasn't keen on the idea of a dog in the office..'
'Judith can you make some coffees for my meeting while Philippa is sorting out her dog..'
'What's happened?'
'It's been sick…'
'You're not serious?'
'….the bus's fault apparently'.
'Let's have a look'.
'God it stinks around here'.
'It's the dog…'
‘Judith are you coming?’
'Can someone get some air freshener from the loos?'
‘Oh dear.…’
'….not a very auspicious start….'