Hundred and Forty Seven

'George? Are you awake in your bookcase over there?'
I am Pips, yes.
'I've decided that we're not going into work today'.
We're not?
'I'm going to let Simon organise his own Valentine's Day for a change because I am fed up of doing it all for him especially as his girlfriends never last more than two minutes. So I'm going to pull a sickie and he'll have to bloody well sort out his romantic evening for himself. Oh hello, morning George'.
We're not going to wo-ork, we're not going to wo-ork, we're/
'Ow George! Do you have to jump on my stomach?'
Yes because we're not going to work and/
'And you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to spoil myself rotten all day and you, George, are going to be my date'.
That's a terrific idea Pips it really is.
'So let's get up and have some fun'.


'What flowers should I buy George?'
I think some red roses of course Pips.
'Can I help you?'
'No I er... I'm just trying to decide what flowers I want...'
If you don't want red roses Pips, how about some hyacinths? They always smell fabul/
'George no! Don't pee on the bucket!'
Just kidding Pips. You know me.
'Sorry about my dog. He has a habit of cocking his leg without actually peeing. But one never knows'.
Or how about daffodils Pips? They remind me of my very own Daffodil who stole my heart in Regent's Par/
'I think I'll have... oh what shall I get?'
How about some lilies Pips? They also smell terrific.
'I know. I'll have a bunch of those orange tulips over there'.
I was just going to suggest tulips to you Pips, I was. Tulips are a smashing choice also.
'Are they a gift? Would you like them wrapped?'
'Yes. Thank you'.


'Now George we're going to pop into Euphorium for a cake'.
I am enjoying today very much Pips if I may just say. Perhaps we could do this sort of thing every day instead of going into work.
'Here we go. Ooh it's nice and warm inside'.
How about the chocolate and raspberry cheesecake Pips?
'You take a seat over there George, at that table so no-one grabs it, while I just order'.
Or how about the orange and passion fruit swirl? A swirl would be very glamorous.
'That's it. Now you stay there while I wait in the queue'.
OR THE PISTACHIO AND LEMON TART?
'Sssh sssh. Be good'.
AND I WOULD LIKE THE DOUBLE CHOCOLATE FUDGE CAKE WITH CREAM!
'Quiet George!'
'I would recognise that bark anywhere.'
'Elliot! What are you doing here?'
'Ruthie and I are enjoying a little Valentine's Day treat'.
'So are we!'
'Are you really? Well come and join us'.
'Are you sure?'
'Of course. It will be much more fun 'a quatre'! We're at the table in the corner'.
'I'm just getting a coffee eclair. Do you want anything?'
'No I have my clafoutis waiting for me, thank you'.


'So Philippa have you given any more thought to doing some sort of course?'
'Not really no. I'm not sure if I dare leave you-know-who alone in the flat'.
'Well I would be very happy to look after him an evening a week if it would help'.
'Really? Oh no I couldn't inflict him on you'.
'Not at all. It would be a pleasure'.
'But he can't behave, as you know'.
'Ruthie would be delighted too'.
'That's really sweet of you but/.. What are they doing over there? What's George got in his mouth?'
'It looks like a flower. Is it a flower?'
'THAT DOG HAS GOT MY GIRLFRIEND'S ROSE! HEY! GIVE IT BACK!'


How about 'Eat Pray Love' with the very wonderful Julia Roberts?
'No George I'm not putting you down. Not after your behaviour at Euphorium'.
Ms Fields said she appreciated the gesture anyway, so there.
'I can't even have a cup of tea and cake without you playing up'.
Because she's a terrific girl and she understands that I am an enterprising dog.
'I take my eyes off you for two seconds...'
I said 'consider it a spontaneous expression of/'
'Now come on, what are we going to watch this evening? We need to make a decision'.
You know what? Think for yourself. I've had enough of making suggestions that you don't listen to, so make your own decision. AND PUT ME DOWN!

Hundred and Forty Six

'George? Is that you?'
Yes Margaret it's me.
'Oh no. Not again. I don't care what you've been up to but it is simply not on for you to live in the hall'.
She's meditating Margaret/
'And we simply cannot have you barrelling up and down the stairs after that wretched ball. I'm having a word with Philippa'.
Well as I said, she's meditating so she won't want to be distur/ NO NO! DON'T ANSWER IT PIPS! MARGARET IS OUT HERE!
'Oh for goodness sake do be quiet'.
'DON'T ANSWER THE DOOR PIPS, DON'T ANSWER IT DON'T ANS/
'Oh! Hi Margaret'.
That was a mistake Pips but don't listen to me. No.
'How are you?'
'I'm fine thank you Philippa but this is the fourth time in a week that I have run into George on the stairs and I thought that we had established quite some time ago that he is not to frequent the hall'.
'It's only for fifteen minutes. I'm trying to learn how to meditate'.
'Oh! Is that what you're doing?'
I told you that's what she is doing Margaret. Why don't you listen?
'Well, what you do is your business but he is wrecking the carpet'.
No I'm not.
'Why? What's he doing?'
I'm not doing anything.
'He's running up and down the stairs after that irritating little ball with the bell/'
It is my favourite ball Margaret. IT IS MY FAVOURITE BALL!
'I don't see how that is wrecking the carpet'.
'Well because he is chasing it and the carpet will be shredded in no time. And the ball is quite disgusting being slobbered all over. If he cannot be trusted to behave in your own flat whilst you meditate for fifteen minutes or whatever it is you're doing, then I don't see why the rest of us in the house should have to put up with him'.
'You don't have to put up with him! You just pass him on the stairs occasionally that's all!'
'But the gentleman who has recently moved into the top floor is allergic to dogs'.
'Who's that? I didn't know someone new had moved in'.
'Well I can assure you Philippa that he has met George - who tripped him up on the stairs'.
I tripped him up? HE TRIPPED ME UP MORE LIKE!
'Sssh George'.
He tripped me up because he didn't see me because he'd BEEN DRINKING/
'Well I'm sorry if George tripped him over but/'
I DIDN'T TRIP HIM OVER! I DIDN'T TRIP HIM OVER! HE TRIPPED OVER ME/
'Oh I can't bear this constant barking. Will you stop yapping you horrible little dog!'
Did you hear that Pips? She called me a horrible little/
'I give up on the pair of you. Ever since this dog arrived it has been nothing but trouble. Moulting on the stairs, unsavoury odours in the common areas/'
I BEG YOUR PARDON?!
'George come inside'.
I'm coming.
'I'm sorry you feel that way Margaret but/'
GET A LIFE MADGE! AND I'LL GIVE YOU UNSAVOURY ODOURS...
'Oooh good gracious. Was...?'
Take that.
'Oh no George! Get out. No don't. Come in but go away'.
'I don't know how you can live with a dog in a flat Philippa'.
'Well I do and we manage'.
'It's a health hazard/'
'Sorry Margaret but I'm going back to my meditating now if you don't mind. Bye'.
'But/'
'Bye. Right George, into your bookcase. That was disgusting. You do yourself no favours you know that?'
Yes well there are more where that came from. And from now on I shall be saving them for the hall.