Hundred and Forty Nine

I can smell it Pips I can smell it! It's arrived! Spring is in the air and I feel like jumping!
'It's such a gorgeous day George. Look at that plane up there in the blue sky'.
I'm jumping, I'm jumping! It's spring at last!
'No don't jump George because we know what happens. There's always an accident and we end up at the vet for the rest of the morning'.
I can't help it Pips. Spring is in the air and I love it!
'I think I'm going to sit on this bench in the sunshine and meditate for ten minutes'.
I don't care! I'M JUMPING!
'But I'm going to be watching you even though I'm meditating OK?'


Are you ready to jump
'George?'
Get ready to jump, don't ever look back oh baby
'George!'
Yes I'm ready to jump just take/
'GEORGE!'
I'm singing the terrific song by the legendary Madonn/
'That's enough! You're going to do yourself an injury throwing yourself around like that. Look at you panting. You're exhausted'.
Well you try jumping and singing at the same time Pips, it's not easy.


'George are you listening to me or ignoring me as usual?'
What rhymes with 'jump' Pips?
'Don't you want your dinner tonight?'
I'm composing poetry right now if you don't mind.
'It's your favourite rabbit stew/'
I'VE GOT IT I'VE GOT IT! Listen Pips listen... An ode to spring by George...
Spring was in the air
On this morning so fair
So don't sit there and slump
It's time to jump.
Winter skies are fading fast
The morning chill will soon be past
So get out of the dumps
Let's jump!
'Well I haven't got anything else for you to eat this evening/'
Pips?
'so it's rabbit or nothing. Your choice'.
PIPS!
'Sssh George! You know you're not allowed to bark in the house'.
Perhaps Madonna would like to get in touch next time she needs some lyrics.

Hundred and Forty Eight

I don't know what came over me Freddie but I saw the rose lying on the lady's bag and I had the sudden urge to give it to Ms Fields. Call it my romantic nature or what you will but I found myself offering it to her before I knew what I was doing. And Ms Fields appreciated my spontaneity, yes she did, because although she does not appreciate all of my ideas, she is a terrific girl in some way, she really is. And I would even venture to say that she was a little smitten by my gesture even if I was told off by Pips for the rest of the day because of it. But how about you Freddie? How are things?
'Not good George. Terry has a new boyfriend'.
Oh no.
'Yes, and since he's arrived on the scene I've been feeling a bit surplus to requirements. You know how it is'.
Say no more Freddie, say no more! It makes me so furious it really does. Here we go again. People always do this. One moment we're their best friends and the next we've been reduced to hanger-on. It shouldn't be allowed and I've had enough of it, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! Who is the tosser?
'He's all right really George but he's allergic to dogs so/'
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! They're the worst Freddie. They have no sense of humour.
'No he hasn't'.
You have to do something, you have to do something!
'I know, but what?'
I don't know! Something! Anything! It has to be stopped or the next thing you know you'll be in Battersea Freddie! You will! You'll be one of a number and living in a cage and being made to feel second-best which is an outrage! IT IS AN OUTRAGE! HOW DARE THEY!
'Don't worry George, I'll think of some/'
And you'll be doing everyone a favour Freddie, you will, because couples are a menace to society, they really are. All they care about is themselves.
'But Terry's happier than he's been in a long time and/'
So what? His happiness isn't more important than yours! They haven't locked you in another room yet have they? To get you out of the way?
'Not yet, no, but/'
I KNOW! I know what you have to do! Make the tosser your new best-friend. Don't leave him alone. Take it upon yourself to be his shadow and follow him everywhere. That'll ruin it.


'Oh Terry I can't believe it! That's fantastic. Congratulations. Oh I'm really envious'.
'It'll probably be over in two weeks'.
'Don't say that!'
'It's early days Philippa. I've been down this road enough times before'.
'I know but it's exciting. It makes me think that I should be making more of an effort in that department. I mean to get out and meet people otherwise it's never going to happen is it?'
'Yeah but there's already an issue. He's allergic to dogs'.
'Really?'
'Yeah and it's quite extreme. He coughs and sneezes and his eyes stream. He can't basically be in the same house as a dog'.
'Oh that's unfortunate'.
'Yeah. I've taken to following Freddie around with the hoover'.