Hundred and Eleven

'Yes but Terry we're supposed to be going to Paris on Friday'.
'I didn't know that'.
'Really? I thought/'
'Oh yeah it's George's birthday!'
'Is it?'
'Well St George's Day is the 23rd isn't it?'
'Oh my God I'd completely forgotten! How could I forget? I can't believe I forgot!'
'Well you're going to Paris so it doesn't look like you forgot'.
'Although we may not get there at this rate. It's ironic because I wanted to go on the Eurostar but they don't take dogs. Hey if we don't go, do you and Freddie want to come over for a birthday meal on Friday evening then?'
'Sure'.
'And if we do go to Paris then we'll have to do it some other time when we're back. Have you heard from Will?'
'Yeah. He stopped by with his new boyfriend the other day to collect some stuff'.
'No!'
'Yes'.
'He brought his new boyfriend with him?'
'Well he actually stayed outside in the car but...'.
'So what happened?'
'Nothing much. I locked Freddie in the cupboard because I was worried he'd take him - I said he was with you by the way - so we had a row. Then he took his stuff and left'.
'Gosh I'm sorry. That's awful'.
'Yeah....... Although he's turning me off him'.
'Really?'
'Yeah. I'm beginning to not like him anymore. Have you ever felt that way about any of your boyfriends?'
'No... not/'
'I mean he's behaving like such a jerk that it makes me wonder how I ever got seduced into liking him'.
'Because you fancied him'.
'Yeah it's fatal'.


Ash cloud, oh ash cloud
No ordinary shroud
Hanging in the blue
We can't see you, can't see you.
Blow away, oh drift away
No ordinary days
Float on by
So we can fly, we can fly.
'Very good George'.
I composed it yesterday during a moment of inspiration while I was smelling one of the first tulips of spring in the gardens in front of the church.
'It is a very fragrant poem George'.
Thank you Freddie. The second one is entitled 'Volcano'/
'Perhaps I can hear that some other time'.
Of course Freddie. You just let me know when. While I am talking to you now I am thinking you could perhaps write a poem called 'The Cupboard' or something about your experience this week.
'I could George. Although I would rather forget it really'.
I understand Freddie. I am always here if you suddenly feel the urge to express yourself through poetry and need some advice.
'You won't be here at the weekend if you're in Paris, George'.
That is true, except that we may not be going now. Talking of which I think it's time to go home. We've walked far enough down the canal for one day don't you think?'
'But it's a beautiful day George. Spring is here at last'.
Yes but Pips said we would check the BBC website again at lunchtime. Pips! PIPS! We have to check on the cloud. It's time to check on the cloud!

Hundred and Ten

'It would be nice if I didn't have to pick you up or drag you onto the bus every time George'.
Well Pips I don't think I should have to remind you that you still haven't bought me a new travelling box for Paris.
'Gosh it's good to be going home. I'm glad today's over. I hate it when Simon's in a bad mood. It's not our fault business is bad. He should be blaming the government. They got us into this crisis'.
He is Pips. He told me he's going to vote for David Cameron.
'I suppose the election is our chance to boot them out but I mean who do you vote for? Who do you think I should vote for George?'
They're all tossers Pips except for Miriam. Miriam is a very lovely girl who reminds me of Conchita, my very own lovely Spanish girl who I met in Parc Guell.
'I'm not voting for Labour because they got us into this mess although they're pretending it's nothing to do with them, and I'm not voting for the Tories because Simon probably votes for them/'
He is Pips, he told me.
'and besides, tax breaks for married couples is a bit insulting to the rest of us. It's like they're saying we're not behaving properly or something'.
Yes but as we can see from what Freddie is going through, marriage is not the answer to everything because then they divorce.
'I've just thought of something George. That means that if the Tories get in, Simon will get a tax bonus when he marries Stephanie'.
Yes he will.
'God that makes me so furious. Simon doesn't need any extra money. He earns a fortune as it is without getting an additional bonus for being married!'
I've got an idea! I've got an idea Pips! How about a tax break for single people? For not inflicting misery on others?
'Maybe I'll vote for the Lib Dems'.
Yes vote for Miriam Pips. Vote for the lovely Miriam!
'Quite frankly George I've lost faith'.
Miriam Miriam Miriam Miri/
'You'd probably do a better job than all of them put together'.
Well as a matter of fact I came up with a vote-winning idea the other day. You will no doubt wonder how I stumbled upon it so I will tell/
'What would you do if you were Prime Minister George?'
OK well I will tell you... I would give a free ball to every dog in the country. Isn't that terri/
'Would someone mind moving so that I can sit next to my cat'.
CAT! Is there a cat on this bus Pips?
'Oh look George! That man has a ginger cat on a lead'.
What is a cat doing on the bus? Cats aren't allowed on buses!
'That's nice. That lady in the green coat is moving across the aisle so he can sit with his cat'.
Nice? But it shouldn't be allowed Pips. Since when were cats allowed on buses?
'It's rather a lovely cat George'.
I don't care whether it is lovely or not Pips. SINCE WHEN WERE CATS ALLOWED ON BUSES?
'George ssssh!. Don't start'.
That is it Pips. I've had enough I REALLY HAVE! This Government has been asleep on the job for too long if you ask me and this country has gone too far. This is the sort of thing that makes you wonder what's going to happen next and I'm not having it, I'M NOT HAVING IT!