Five

'Ow George get off my face!'
Get up Pips. It's work today. We're going to work it's work today we're going to work!
'I don't know what you're so excited about. We've got work today'.

'OK, so have we got everything? We've got your basket, bowl, ball…..'
What about my bone? I do like it to chew on occasionally when I feel insecure - which is hardly ever but as I've never been to work before I think I would like to bring it with me just in case.
'Oh! And I suppose I'd better bring your bone too. So I've got your basket, bowl, ball and bone. Let's go'.

What a beautiful day Pips. Look at the plane high up crossing the blue. These crisp autumn days are my favourite when the sun shines low on the windows/
'….important that you're on your best behaviour today'.
and my nostrils are chill
'We don't want a repeat of the other night with Margaret and Joy'.
and the falling leaves crunch under my feet
'or we'll be in trouble'.
and smell so good.
'Do you hear me George?'
I'm listening although I'm also appreciating the weather Pips if you don't mind.
'Simon has very kindly allowed me to bring you to work and I wouldn't have been able to have you if he hadn't agreed to it. So please be good OK?'
Is there enough room at work for me to play rough and tumble if I feel like it?

What are you stopping here for Pips? Oh no. No no no no no no no!
'George?'
You didn't say we were going to catch the bus this morning.
'What's the matter?'
You said we would catch the bus if it was raining and it's not raining Philippa, no.
'What? We have to catch the bus George. I can't walk with all your stuff as well as mine. Your basket is awkward to carry/'
Sometimes I think I may as well talk to myself. What have I been saying to you since I arrived?
'I'll take you to Bloomsbury Square at lunchtime for a runaround I promise'.
I have made it quite clear on several occasions that I do not intend to travel on another bus and it won't be a runaround Pips because you don't let me off the lead so what sort of a runaround is that?
'Ssssh George, what has got into you?'
'Don't sssssh me Philippa. Do not ssssh me! I do not like to be shut up or ignored. Not at all.
'We'll walk home George when I've not got all your stuff to carry but right now we just need to get to work'.
You lied to me Pips. You said we would catch the bus if it was raining. You didn't mention anything about catching a bus because you're feeling lazy/
'No! I don't believe it'.
What? What Pips?
'When did the No. 38 become bendy?.'
Bendy? What are you talking about?
'Look at that George'.
'The 38 changed.. ooh it must be a couple of weeks ago now love'.
Hello? Who are you?
'Really? But I hate these buses'
Good. We won't go on it Philippa. Let's walk. Come on. Come…. What are you doing? No. Get off me. Get your hands off me Philippa! Put me down. Put me down right now!
'George stop scrabbling'.
'Your dog doesn't like them either by the looks of it'.
'No I don't think he likes buses. George…. please. I can't…'
Put me down Philippa!
'You want a hand love? Give me that'.
'Thank you. I just…'.
Hey! Get your hands off my basket!
'George don't be so aggressive'.
But he's holding my basket and there's no room in here and what's that woman looking at me like that for?
'Sssh it's OK George. I'm really sorry. Could we just squeeze through…. Thank you. Thanks. We'll have to wedge ourselves in the bendy bit here George. All right I'm putting you down. I'm putting you down. There we go. Is that better?'
No it's not.
'I can take the basket now. Thanks'.
It's not at all better, no. George does not like being picked up and moved somewhere he does not want to go. I am always willing to make compromises from time to time, occasionally, if I really have to, when there is absolutely no alternative, but there is no excuse for catching a bus on a fine autumn morning like today and I do not like strangers touching my basket. I am disappointed in you Philippa, yes I am.
'Please calm down George'.

'I've been off work for a couple of weeks. I didn't realise the 38 had changed from the Routemaster'.
'Blame Ken Livingstone love. They're his idea.'
'But the Routemasters….they're London'.
Pips? The floor is moving down here…
'These bendy buses are so suburban'.
I'm turning…
'I feel like I'm living in Beckenham or Cheam or some other awful place that I'm practically bankrupting myself to avoid'.
What's wrong with Chea/ I'm turning back again.
'You can never get a seat on them either'.
I don't feel too well Pips….

'What's going on?'
'…Philippa's new dog…'
'What's wrong with it?'
'….sick on the bus on the way in…'
'No!'
' Where is it?'
'Under her desk. She brought a basket in.'
'Poor Simon… he wasn't keen on the idea of a dog in the office..'
'Judith can you make some coffees for my meeting while Philippa is sorting out her dog..'
'What's happened?'
'It's been sick…'
'You're not serious?'
'….the bus's fault apparently'.
'Let's have a look'.
'God it stinks around here'.
'It's the dog…'
‘Judith are you coming?’
'Can someone get some air freshener from the loos?'
‘Oh dear.…’
'….not a very auspicious start….'