Hundred and Thirty Six

How about 'Rumour has it' with the very wonderful Jennifer Aniston?
'George can you get out of the middle of the shop. You're tripping everyone up as usual'.
Not really Pips because as I have told you I can't see the titles of the films if I stand/
'Just move over by the door. Oh God George I don't know what to choose'.
How about 'The Holiday' with the terrific Cameron Diaz?
'And the supper is going to be burnt if we don't make a decision soon'.
Well why do you always put the supper in the oven before we come to the DVD shop? You know you can't make a decision in less than 45 minutes but you never learn Pips.
'OK George it's decision time. We could go for a french film/'
No no no no no no no! Not a french film Pips! I have not come to the DVD shop this evening to rent a boring french film. No way Jose!
'Or we could go for a recent release. I really miss going to the cinema George. I've hardly been at all since I got you'.
Well I'm not stopping you. I would be thrilled to go to the Screen on the Green with you but you never ask.
'I wonder what 'A bout de souffle' is like'.
How about 'Lara Croft: Tomb Raider' with the fabulous Angelina Jolie Pips? No?.... Or.....
'OK I'm going to get this George. I've never seen it and it's one of the most important films of the nouvelle vague'.
Since when have you cared about the nouvelle va/
'George get away from the door. Someone is trying to get in. Oh Terry it's you!'
Freddie!
'Sorry, we're blocking the doorway'.
It's not my fault Freddie. Pips/
'Hi Philippa. Hi George'.
'How are you Terry?'
Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie/
'It was glandular fever'.
'No! Really? Are you OK?. My God you've got a few films there!'
'This is everything I watched while I was ill'.
Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie Fre-DDIE!
'Calm down George'.
'We watched the entire Fellini collection didn't we Freds? And then we went onto Almodovar'.
Pips wants to get out a french film but nothing happens in them as you know Freddie.
'Nothing happens in Fellini either George. And Terry's watched them all a hundred times. I fall asleep'.
Well it's selfish Freddie it really is. I do nothing but make suggestions and now suddenly it's all about the nouvelle vague.
'Are you still on for Elliot's birthday tea next Saturday?'
She does it deliberately.
'Sure. How are we getting there? I thought we could all get a taxi together/'
TAXI?
'and I'll pay'.
TAXI! WE'RE GOING IN A TAXI!
'Ssssh George. That's a really good idea. Do you want me to book it?'
'No I can do it/'
'So what's happening here? You want to take out this film?'
'Yes I'm sorry, we're holding up the queue'.
'Can I just drop these films back?'
'Sure'.
WE'RE GOING IN A TAXI!
'OK well I'll let Elliot know that's what we're doing'.
'Great. And I'll call you'.
WE'RE GOING IN A TAXI!
'Yes let's speak in the week'.
'See you next week George'.
See you Freddie. WE'RE GOING/
'George shut up for God's sake'.

Fifty

What about ‘Charlie’s Angels’ with the wonderful Cameron Diaz?
‘George can you get out of the middle of the shop. Everyone is having to walk around you’.
Not really Pips otherwise I will not be able to see all the DVD’s.
‘OK quick. We have two minutes to make a decision or the chicken will be burnt and there will be no supper. Not for me anyway’.
How about ‘One Million Years’ with the legendary Raquel Welch?
‘I don’t even know what I feel like George. I think I feel like something light’.
Light drama or light comedy? How about ‘Maid in Manhattan’ with the magnificent Jennifer Lopez?
‘Oh look! Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’. I wouldn’t mind seeing that again. It’s been ages since I saw it’.
No Pips. It doesn’t have anybody wonderful in it. What about ‘Lara Croft’ with the very wonderful Angelina Jolie?
‘Ah! Eet eez ze leetul dog!’
‘Jean Michel! Hi…. Hi!’
’E eez steel leetul’.
I may be little but at least I’m not French. And we are choosing our evening’s viewing and do not want your input so go away.
‘You cherche un film pour ce soir?’
‘Yes. We just thought we’d have a cosy evening in’.
‘We?’
‘Yes. Me and George. I mean….. that’s all I mean, just me and George’.
‘You and ze leetul dog’.
‘Yes. So…… but anyway we’ve got to make a quick choice now because I’ve left the chicken in the oven and/’
‘No problem. I can suggest un film pour you if you want’.
We can make our own choice thank you Jean Michel.
‘Really? Well that ….. that would be great. I don’t really know…’
‘Eet eez super French film’.
We don’t want a French film Jean Michel. We don’t like the French and also, nothing happens in them.
‘Teez OK weez you?’
‘What? A French film? Oh yes… yes, absolutely…’
No it’s not. Nothing happens.
‘I really love French films actually’.
Since when have you watched a French film Pips? Not since I have lived with you.
‘I had a boyfriend ages ago who refused to watch French films’.
‘Mais non? Pourquoi?’
‘Because he said nothing happens’.
‘E say zat?’
‘Yes. He did. Can you believe it?’.
‘Nussing ‘appens? Mais everyseeng ‘appen’.
‘Well yes I know. I mean… absolutely. It’s just all…. underneath..’
‘Alors ‘e was un peu stupide, non?’
‘Well yes. I suppose so’.
‘Avec pas de class. No taste eezer, obviously’.
‘Well exactly. No wonder I dumped him’.


You told me he dumped you Pips. You distinctly told me it was Chris who dumped you. Unless you are talking about another boyfriend but I don’t think so because he is the only one you ever talk about.
‘George? The film is starting. Don’t you want to snuggle up in bed and watch it with me?’
And you are just pretending to be interested in French films because you like Jean Michel which makes me feel quite sick Pips.
‘You prefer to watch it from the bookcase do you?’
After all the suggestions I made to you with both classic and contemporary icons of the silver screen you decide to take Jean Michel up on his ONE suggestion.
‘OK well suit yourself if you want to be antisocial’.
Do you like Jean Michel more than me Pips?......... You must do to choose his film over all of mine. And after all I have done for you too.


Pips? Pips? PIPS?
‘What? Oh my gosh George I was almost asleep. What time is it?’
Don’t you like the film?
’12.45. Hasn’t the film finished yet? You know what? This is the most boring film I’ve ever watched. Nothing’s happened. Let’s switch it off and go to sleep. Jean Michel and I obviously don’t have the same taste in films’.
Jean Michel is a little stupid in fact Pips.
‘Oh I see. You’re coming to join me now are you? That’s nice but could you get your nose out of my face’.
I think I would like to sleep just……. no, wait a minute…….. just…. ………no, wait…….. just………..here.
‘George no! Get off my pillow’.