Fifty

What about ‘Charlie’s Angels’ with the wonderful Cameron Diaz?
‘George can you get out of the middle of the shop. Everyone is having to walk around you’.
Not really Pips otherwise I will not be able to see all the DVD’s.
‘OK quick. We have two minutes to make a decision or the chicken will be burnt and there will be no supper. Not for me anyway’.
How about ‘One Million Years’ with the legendary Raquel Welch?
‘I don’t even know what I feel like George. I think I feel like something light’.
Light drama or light comedy? How about ‘Maid in Manhattan’ with the magnificent Jennifer Lopez?
‘Oh look! Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid’. I wouldn’t mind seeing that again. It’s been ages since I saw it’.
No Pips. It doesn’t have anybody wonderful in it. What about ‘Lara Croft’ with the very wonderful Angelina Jolie?
‘Ah! Eet eez ze leetul dog!’
‘Jean Michel! Hi…. Hi!’
’E eez steel leetul’.
I may be little but at least I’m not French. And we are choosing our evening’s viewing and do not want your input so go away.
‘You cherche un film pour ce soir?’
‘Yes. We just thought we’d have a cosy evening in’.
‘We?’
‘Yes. Me and George. I mean….. that’s all I mean, just me and George’.
‘You and ze leetul dog’.
‘Yes. So…… but anyway we’ve got to make a quick choice now because I’ve left the chicken in the oven and/’
‘No problem. I can suggest un film pour you if you want’.
We can make our own choice thank you Jean Michel.
‘Really? Well that ….. that would be great. I don’t really know…’
‘Eet eez super French film’.
We don’t want a French film Jean Michel. We don’t like the French and also, nothing happens in them.
‘Teez OK weez you?’
‘What? A French film? Oh yes… yes, absolutely…’
No it’s not. Nothing happens.
‘I really love French films actually’.
Since when have you watched a French film Pips? Not since I have lived with you.
‘I had a boyfriend ages ago who refused to watch French films’.
‘Mais non? Pourquoi?’
‘Because he said nothing happens’.
‘E say zat?’
‘Yes. He did. Can you believe it?’.
‘Nussing ‘appens? Mais everyseeng ‘appen’.
‘Well yes I know. I mean… absolutely. It’s just all…. underneath..’
‘Alors ‘e was un peu stupide, non?’
‘Well yes. I suppose so’.
‘Avec pas de class. No taste eezer, obviously’.
‘Well exactly. No wonder I dumped him’.


You told me he dumped you Pips. You distinctly told me it was Chris who dumped you. Unless you are talking about another boyfriend but I don’t think so because he is the only one you ever talk about.
‘George? The film is starting. Don’t you want to snuggle up in bed and watch it with me?’
And you are just pretending to be interested in French films because you like Jean Michel which makes me feel quite sick Pips.
‘You prefer to watch it from the bookcase do you?’
After all the suggestions I made to you with both classic and contemporary icons of the silver screen you decide to take Jean Michel up on his ONE suggestion.
‘OK well suit yourself if you want to be antisocial’.
Do you like Jean Michel more than me Pips?......... You must do to choose his film over all of mine. And after all I have done for you too.


Pips? Pips? PIPS?
‘What? Oh my gosh George I was almost asleep. What time is it?’
Don’t you like the film?
’12.45. Hasn’t the film finished yet? You know what? This is the most boring film I’ve ever watched. Nothing’s happened. Let’s switch it off and go to sleep. Jean Michel and I obviously don’t have the same taste in films’.
Jean Michel is a little stupid in fact Pips.
‘Oh I see. You’re coming to join me now are you? That’s nice but could you get your nose out of my face’.
I think I would like to sleep just……. no, wait a minute…….. just…. ………no, wait…….. just………..here.
‘George no! Get off my pillow’.