Hundred and Thirty One

Pips why do you have to read every newspaper you come across? Reading is so boring for everyone else it really is. What am I supposed to do while you've got your head in the pages? Talk to myself?
'George! Oh my God!'
What?
'Battersea Dogs Home is having an Open Day this weekend'.
No!
'It's celebrating it's 150th birthday! We should go along. We might see some of your old friends'.
I only had two friends Pips and I don't think I told you that as I left I heard Scruff say to Bailey that the only reason they had found a home for me was because I was small which was not nice so/
'And we could see if that nice woman who I dealt with when I was getting you is still there'.
That was Wendy/
'She might remember you'.
in re-homing.
'And be curious to see how you've got on'.
I didn't say goodbye to her Pips, do you remember? Because I had made a point of telling her that I didn't want to be re-homed with another couple, especially after I ended up in the spaghetti bolognaise with Steve and Debs, and then you turned up with Abbie and I thought you were a couple too and I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy at all.
'Look George. It says 'Free cake and souvenir doggy bags containing wallets, notepads and other memorabilia will be handed out'. We could get a free notebook or wallet/'
What use would I have for those Pips?
'Do you want to go George?'
It is true that Wendy may be interested to know that I now work full-time in an office and have even been Stationery Manager.
'Gosh, did you know that Battersea gets through 100 tins of dog food a day?'
Although I could also tell her that working in an office is an underwhelming experience to say the least as my many talents remain unrecogised and unencouraged because we work for a tosser.
'And it uses more than 235,000 poo bags'.
And that the highlight of my day is going into his office when he isn't there and farting in his chair.
'Eeugh!'
And that I say 'Take that you tosspot' and it gives me the greatest pleasure it really does.
'Oh hang on George. What date is this paper?'
What/
'Oh shit! This is last Friday's paper. Oh no! The Open Day was last weekend. We've missed it'.
Well that's terrific Pips it really is. That is TERRIFIC! I haven't given a single thought to Wendy since the day I left until just now when you mention her in relation to the Open Day and I start to feel a touch of nostalgia for my Battersea days, yes I do, so that I am imagining telling her all about my new life and now you say that the Open Day has been and gone. How am I supposed to come to terms with that on an average Friday evening on the way home from Sainsburys? Tell me that.
'What a shame George'.
And whatsmore we've missed out on the free cake and other assorted memorabilia. That makes me so cross/
'Oh look George. Your girlfriend's coming'.
Who/
'Hi Ruthie!'
That's all I need. MS FIELDS IS NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!