Twenty Two

'You know what you should do don't you?'
'What?'
'You should get Victoria Stilwell onto him. She'd whip the little sickbag into shape'.
'I don't think you should call him the sickbag'.
'Why not?'
'Because he might not like it’.
'But he doesn't have a clue what I'm saying. It’s all Greek to him. Or
double Dutch or whatever it is to dogs’.
‘OK then. I don't like it.'
'Why not?'
'Because it’s not fair. He's only been sick that once/'
'Which was the fault of the number 38 bus'.
'Yes. And there's nothing like giving a dog a bad name'.
'Ah yes, but interesting that that expression exists in the first place. It could be 'give a person a bad name' but it's not, it's ‘give a dog a bad name’. Why is that?'
'I don't know'.
'Well obviously it was because a dog deserved it. I bet it was a Jack Russell that gave birth to that expression'.
'Oh don't be mean'.
'What's mean about that? You're like an overprotective mother with
that dog'.
'No I'm not'.
'Yes you are. You're neurotic when you're around him. He runs you ragged'.
'He does not!'
'I've seen it. He's got you round his little paw. Victoria wouldn't stand for the sort of nonsense you put up with, believe me'.
'But she's a professional dog trainer!'
'Well maybe George needs a bit of professional discipline'.
'He's not that bad. I just don’t have much experience of dogs, that’s all’.
‘So why don't you write to her? She's really good'.
'I don't want to go on television'.
'Don't you? I don't mind. I'll go with George if you want'.
'Really?'
'Victoria and I would sort out the little bugger. We'd soon have him grovelling'.
'I don't want a grovelling dog. I like George because he’s happy’.
'Yes he’s so happy he’s laughing at you'.
'He's not laughing at me'.
'Yes he is Philippa. You say ‘right’, he goes left. You say 'stay', he walks off. He's taking the piss. Where is he now? I bet he's wandering around in reception again'.
'No he isn't. He's behind you'.
‘Really? ….. Oi! George NO!’
Only kidding Simon.
‘Did you see that? He was cocking his leg at my chair. He was just about to pee on my jacket’.
‘He was only pretending. He does that sometimes’.
‘Pretending? He was poised all ready to go. If I hadn’t stopped him he would have peed on it’.
‘No he wouldn’t’.
‘It’s not funny Philippa. That’s my Paul Smith jacket’.
Serves you right Simon.