Twenty Five

….. so Steve tied the flag around my neck and said ‘me, Gary and George are going to watch the game down the pub’. Debs started to say she was bloody sick of being left every Saturday but Steve said ‘Don’t start on me Debs. It’s St George’s day and England are playing and you are doing my head in’ and so we walked down to the Prince of Wales. Brian was there and he said ‘there’s a two-pints-for-one offer on’ so Steve said to Terry ‘that’ll be six pints for me and the lads then’ and he bought me some Walkers crisps and we watched the match on the big pull-down screen. Gary and Brian were banging the tables and shouting ‘’ere we go, ‘ere we go, ‘ere we go-o’ and Steve was shouting ‘come on my son……..come on lads!’ Steve and Gary ordered more beers and Brian was saying that Beckham was a wanker but then he scored a goal so he picked me up and shook me and said ‘that guy’s a fucking genius!’ Then we ordered some more beers and…… look, there’s a pretty primrose Pips…. ..and then… where was I? Oh yes, then some girls came in and Brian said ‘Wha-hey! Look at that boys. I’d give ‘er one’ and he bought one of them a bacardi breezer for the latin spirit in everyone. After the game we were walking home singing ‘Eng-er-la-and…Eng-er-la-and’ when Steve was sick and Gary said ‘you’re wasted mate’ and then tripped on my flag and fell into the street and lay there laughing because he couldn’t get up. Brian was laughing too until somebody passing by called him a tosser and there was a fight and the police picked us up in a van and took us to the police station. Steve was saying ‘You can’t lock up St George here’ and the policeman said ‘I can lock up the Archbishop of Canterbury if I feel like it’. Eventually Debs came and collected us and she said ‘I’ve ‘ad it up to ‘ere with the two of you. Look at the state of you! You’re stinkin’ of vomit and look at ‘im all dressed up in the bleedin’ flag lookin’ like a member of the BNP ‘n all’. And Steve said ‘There’s nothing wrong with being patriotic’ and Debs said ‘There is when it makes you stupid’. Then she said ‘You’re such an arsehole ‘ and drove us home in the Nissan. She didn’t speak to Steve for the rest of the evening. That was what we did on my birthday last year……. So anyway last night I was thinking about what I would like to do this year and I decided that I would very much like to ride around in a taxi for the day. You know how fond I am of taxis Pips so could we do that today? I would be thrilled. Pips? Are you listening to me or am I talking to myself as usual? I think I’m talking to myself aren’t I? Yes George I think you are. But it’s my birthday….