Sixty Nine

‘Morning. Can I help you?’
‘Hi, yes. I’m looking for a travelling box for a dog. The type that is allowed on a plane. I was told you were the place to come’.
‘You’re looking for a dog crate. Yep, we’ve got a couple that are accepted by the airlines. There’s this one here which is the standard size and suitable for most dogs, or there is that one over there which is a more compact version for smaller dogs. Is this the dog that’s going to be travelling?’
Si si, it’s me!
‘Yes it is’.
We’re going to Barcelona!
‘OK well – let me just get it down – the smaller one would be fine for him and it would be easier for you to carry as you’re not that big but it’s up to you. Some people like to give their dogs a bit more room on flights…. It depends what he’s used to. What size basket does he normally sleep in?’
‘He doesn’t. He sleeps in the bookshelf’.
‘OK….’
‘He has a basket under my desk at work but he’s never in it as he prefers the filing drawer’.
‘Right, well let me just get the other one down too and maybe he can try them both out……… here we go…………’
‘George do you want to go inside them?’
‘Do you want a hand George?’
‘No I think just…. leave him to it. Sorry, it’s just that he’s very independent. He doesn’t like being helped by anyone or picked up and put anywhere’.
‘Oh OK. Some dogs are a bit afraid of them that’s all’.
‘George isn’t afraid of anything. Unfortunately’.


….. do the hokey cokey and you turn a-round/
‘Come on George. It’s time for us to make a decision’.
Wait a minute Pips. I just need to go inside the other one again……
‘He’s a busy character’.
‘Yes, that’s the problem. So what do you think George?’
I would prefer the big one Pips. It will suit me very well as I can take my ball and my bone and my bowl and my blanket in there with me and I will still have enough room to lie down, stretch out and have a snooze if I feel like it which will be terrific.
‘OK well I think we’ll take the smaller one. Thank you’.
The smaller one? Pips what did I just say?
‘It’ll be easier for me to carry and besides which it seems a bit silly to be paying for him to travel in first class accommodation when I’m going to be in economy!’
That’s it. You know something? You shouldn’t ask for my opinion if you’re just going to ignore it.
‘Is it OK to pay by card?’
‘Sure’.
It is very irritating and also dismissive actually.
‘George… no don’t go back in. We’re getting the other one’.
I would rather you didn’t pretend you have an interest in what I think when you don’t because I find the pretence patronizing.
‘George come on. Get out of there. We’re not getting that one’.
If you’re not going to listen to a word I say to you Pips then I don’t see why I should listen to you. No, not at all.


‘OK George come on. I’ve paid. Let’s go’.
No.
‘Come out of there. Now!’
No Pips. I’m busy.
‘Here we go. George hurry up. We’ve got other things to do today’.
Does it look like I’m bothered?
‘George come out now otherwise I’m going to get down on my hands and knees and drag you out of that box’.
Go on Pips. I’d like to see it.


‘OK George, I can’t waste any more time waiting for you. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around’.
Bye then Pips.
‘Thanks very much for your help’.
‘Hey no problem. Have a great trip. Where are you going?’
‘I’m going to Barcelona but George is obviously staying here. You don’t mind looking after my dog do you?’
‘No. Not at all’.
‘Good. Bye then George’.
Pips?
‘I’m off’.
I’m coming Pips I’m coming I’m coming….
‘Oh! Look who we have here. Don’t you want to be left behind?’
You know what you are Pips? You’re selfish. You pretend to care about me and my comfort while travelling when all you really care about is your own convenience. Shame on you.