Seventy Nine

‘No George. I am not negotiating with you’.
But it’s not even raining. It is the sunniest day of the year and I am very hot and I do not want to get on a bus.
‘I can’t carry these window boxes and the bag of earth all the way home so we have no choice’.
Then I will walk home on my own. I know the way very well.
‘George quickly, the doors are about to close!’
I will make my own way home Pips.
‘Jump onto the bus George!’
‘It’s all right. I’ll get him. You’ve got your hands full there’.
‘Thank you so much’.
NO NO NO NO NO. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!
‘Sssh George’.
LET ME GO! LET ME…. OK, take this then….
‘George NO! Do not bite!’
He asked for it.
‘It’s all right. I’ve got a couple of terriers of my own back home. I’ll put you down. I’m putting you down now…’
‘I’m really sorry. He’s never bitten anyone before. I’m so sorry. George that is very naughty’.
I am hot in here. I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. I want to get off the bus. LET ME OFF THIS BUS…..!


Are you enjoying planting the window boxes Pips?
‘I cannot believe you bit that kind man George’.
You’re making a mess all over the table if you don’t mind my saying.
‘He was helping me’.
He wasn’t helping me Pips and it is not up to a stranger to get involved where he is not wanted.
‘Luckily for you he obviously likes dogs but/ George no, get down! I’ve told you before, not on the table. I’m warning you. I’m not in the mood for any more nonsense today so don’t push it’.
Well I’m not in the mood for being picked up and put where I do not want to be. I have made it absolutely clear to you from Day One that I do not wish to travel on public transport but you never listen and so you do not learn.
‘Sometimes I think Simon may have a point about you’.
Simon doesn’t have a point about anything Pips because he’s a tosser.
‘It is as though a switch flicks inside you and you have to do something naughty. I cannot have you biting people’.
It was only a little bite on his hand.
‘People sue each other over their dogs’ behaviour these days George!’
That is nothing to do with me Pips. Do not blame me for what people do.
‘I actually believe you know how to behave. It may be naivety on my part George but I know you understand the meaning of ‘no’’.
I do, yes.
‘And yet you go ahead and do whatever it is you know perfectly well you are not supposed to do. Why is that?’
Because you don’t listen to my ‘no’s so why should I listen to yours?


‘George get off the table. This is what I mean! I’ve told you about twenty times not to get up on the table!’
I just wish to smell the pretty flowers in the window box/
GEORGE NO! Don’t pee on the lavenders!’
Just pretending Pips. You know me.
‘You know what George? You are irritating me so much today I’m putting you outside in the hall. You can annoy Margaret or Jean-Michel or whoever as they go up and down the stairs’
I don’t mind because you’re no fun to be with anyway Pips, actually.
‘And don’t think you’re going anywhere because I am going to tie you to the door handle’.
Just because you were stood up on a date is no reason to be a grumps forever and take it out on me/
‘Out you go!’
and you know what else? You can SHOVE YOUR LAVENDER/
‘There we go. Bye George’.