Eighty

‘Oh dear. Not again’.
I am minding my own business Madge so mind yours if you don’t mind.
‘This really is not on. I presume Philippa is in is she?’
Yes but she has been stood up on two dates now and she is in a very bad mood.
‘I’m afraid we simply can’t have this………’
Do not answer the door Pips! It is Madge out here.


‘Who’s that?............. Oh hi Margaret. How are you?’
I told you not to answer the door Pips.
‘Hello Philippa. Is everything all right?’
‘Yes, why?’
‘With George I mean? This is the second time I have found him sitting out in the hall’.
‘Oh! Yes he’s fine. I’m trying out a new disciplinary tactic, that’s all’.
Which isn’t going to work Pips.
‘Well no, we really mustn’t start using the hall as a dog kennel Philippa. It is not fair on the other flat owners. We simply cannot have the stairwell smelling of dog’.
‘He doesn’t smell Margaret’.
I don’t smell Madge thank you very much.
‘Well you may be used to it but I beg to differ Philippa. It was a hot day when he was last in the hall and there was a distinct odour after his residence’.
‘But he was only out here twenty minutes!’
I DO NOT SMELL MADGE I DO NOT SMELL!
‘In which case I rest my point. I also have to say that there is a Health and Safety issue with leaving him unattended by the stairs. Someone could trip over him on the way down’.
‘Only if they don’t see him which is unlikely as there is a light in the hall’.
‘But what if the bulb blows Philippa? As you know, the stairwell is very dark without the light, which has a habit of blowing, and it is dangerous at the best of times without a lone dog on the landing to act as a death trap’.
‘I can’t believe this! The chances of George being out in the hall at the same time as the bulb blows with someone coming up or down the stairs/’
‘I don’t wish to argue about this Philippa’.
‘I don’t wish to argue about it either! I’m just experimenting with putting him out here for a short while if he has been disobedient to see if I can encourage him to behave. That is all! He’s not living out here in the hall!’
‘Well if you haven’t managed to discipline him yet I can’t see that this is going to work’.
‘I can at least try! You’d better come in George’.
I can’t Pips. I am tied to the door.
‘No wait. Let’s go for a walk instead. I need some fresh air’.
Oh goody goody.
‘I’m not discussing this with you any more Margaret. It should be possible to leave a dog outside a door for twenty minutes without Health and Safety coming into it. Now where are my keys?’
‘I have to say I am disappointed at your attitude Philippa and the scant disregard towards the owners of the other flats in this house’.
‘Here they are’.
We’re going for a wa-alk, we’re going for a wa-alk…
‘If I receive a complaint from anyone in the other flats about his presence in the hallway it is quite within my rights to call an Extraordinary General Meeting of the other leaseholders to discuss the issue’.
‘Come on George let’s go. Excuse me Margaret, can we pass? You might want to stand back. He bites’.