Seventy Eight

‘How do I look George? Do I look OK?’
You look terrific Pips.
‘I’m so nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. Should I wear this necklace or…… this one?’
Wear that one.
‘I think I’ll wear this one’.
The other one looks better Pips actually but don’t mind me.
‘You don’t think I look desperate do you?’
You look fabulous Pips. You really do.
‘It doesn’t look like I’m trying too hard does it?’.
No you look very glamorous.
‘Yes it does. I’m trying too hard. I should look as though I’ve made less effort. Hang on, let me just put on some lipstick……’
I’ve never seen you look so pretty Pips as a matter of fact.
‘Now you’ve got to promise me you’ll be on your best behaviour this evening George. Promise me?’
No not really because he may well be a tosser in which case I have no intention of behaving well actually so it would be a lie.
‘You’ve got to be charming so that he can’t help liking you. It’s possible to like things you’re allergic to. You can even love things you’re allergic to!’
What if I don’t like him Pips? I may not like him at all. In fact I have a feeling that I may be allergic to him.
‘Oh quick, let me just go into the bathroom and put some perfume on……’
I like it when you wear perfume Pips. I really do. You smell terrific. Oh Pips! PIPS! Your mobile beeped. I think you’ve got a message. PIPS!
‘Ssssh George. Don’t start. All right I’m ready. Let’s go’.


‘How much longer do we give him George?’
I don’t think he’s coming.
‘It’s been twenty minutes now’.
I think we should go Pips.
‘I wish those guys over there would stop staring at me. They can all tell I’ve been stood up. You would have thought he would have called if he couldn’t make it, my mobile has been on all evening….where is it?....... He could have at least left a message or something………… oh hang on. I’ve got a text message. When did I get that?.....’
Just before we left the flat actually Pips. I did tell you.
‘If this is from him………………….. It is………… He says he can’t make it tonight. Something’s come up’.


You can borrow my bone for a while if you want Pips. It always cheers me up no end when I am down. Or we could play ball if you like, you know how much fun that is ……………….. We could see if Freddie and Terry are in the garden in front of the church for a chat or ………..…..we could go to the DVD shop and rent a DVD. You know how much you like that. Perhaps we could rent a film with the very wonderful Julia Roberts in it?..... Or……. we could go to Sainsbury’s and buy some of your favourite After Eight mint chocolates………. There are lots of fun things we can do. It’s not the end of the world Pips……..


‘George I don’t want your bone I’ve told you’.
The phone Pips! THE PHONE!
‘Do you think this will be him George?... Hello?..... Oh hi Abbie……… ……….No. He didn’t show up…………….. Yes he texted me but I didn’t realise so I was standing there waiting, all dolled up, the only single girl in the pub, being stared at by all these guys who were propping up the bar. Thank God for George’.
You’re welcome Pips.
‘If I hadn’t had him with me to chat to and generally look occupied with they probably would have come over………….. I don’t know, something came up apparently. He should have called me instead of texting, I would have heard the phone ringing……………yes I have but I got his voicemail. I hope something awful hasn’t happened but he probably just changed his mind…………….. no, not yet. ………….. Yes, he’s here. He keeps putting his bone into my lap………. George, Abbie wants a word with you….’
Abbie I heard Pips’s phone beep just before we left. I told her a text message had come through but she didn’t listen. I told her he was a tosser anyway but she also didn’t listen………. We’re in bed. We’ve just finished watching ‘When Harry met Sally’ on DVD to cheer Pips up and/
‘Abbie? I don’t need a man. I’ve got George now and I love him and we get by just fine and this is the problem with dating - the moment I try I’m disappointed all over again…….’.