Ninety One

‘I told Philippa this morning this is the last year we’re going to have a Christmas party’.
‘You say the same thing every year Simon’.
‘I mean it this time Phil. This year’s going to be the last one,. They’re a waste of money that this company hasn’t got and if these figures are to be believed we’re going to have to tighten our belts next year. Are these figures right?’
‘But it helps the goodwill factor’.
‘They’re a bloody bore Jason. Every year I get up and say the same old motivational drivel which never works’.
‘Just thank everyone for their contribution during the year and leave out the rest. Is Stephanie coming?’
‘Yes how’s it going with her?’
‘Great. She’s a lot easier than Lindsay. Then again that’s not difficult…. God I need a coffee’.
‘Good idea’.
‘Yeah I’m parched……’


‘Philippa? Can you pop out and get us some coffees? One espresso, no wait, make that two…..two cappuccinos and… you wanted a strong skinny latte Mark yeah? And one strong skinny latte. Thanks’.
‘Um… Simon? George is shivering and I’m a bit worried that he’s sleeping in a draught here by my desk and as he’s not very well and got a cold would it be OK for me to move him into your room? He won’t disturb you. He’s fast asleep’.
‘I suppose so. Just this once’.


‘I don’t understand where he’s got some of these figures from that’s all’.
‘I think there’s an error in the July turnover’.
‘What’s that noise?’
‘What noise?’
‘That noise. Listen. ……. There!’
‘Sounds like a boiler’.
‘It’s the dog’.
‘No? Really?’
‘Yes it is. It’s George’.
‘What a wheezer!’
‘Don’t be rude about it. Philippa gets very upset. She dotes on him. Single woman syndrome, you know’.
‘Ha ha ha ha!’
‘Look it’s twitching’.
‘It’s dreaming’.
‘Do dogs have dreams?’
‘I don't know’.
‘Well why not?’.
‘What do they dream about?’
‘How would I know Phil?’
‘Cats?’
‘Food perhaps. Or………’
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‘Thanks Simon for that inspiring end-of-year roundup. And now, I believe, George has a few Christmas words for the office’.
‘Oh Lord’.
‘Ignore him George. Go ahead’.
Nadine Nadine
With the sparkly shoes
Good for you, good for you

Mahinder Mahinder
Our internet guru
We thank you, we thank you

Philippa Philippa
Office miracle worker
I love you, I love you

Simon Simon
Our distinguished Director
Sits on his arse, sits on his arse………..
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‘OK so you’ll type up the minutes Phil, yeah? Jason shall we go over those figures again now? Actually hang on a second. I’ve got to get rid of this windbag, I can’t breathe in here. Philippa? ......... Philippa!’
‘Yes Simon?’
‘Your dog has excelled itself once again. Wheezing and twitching is one thing but I draw the line at farting through an entire Board Meeting’.