Ninety Nine

How about ‘The Good Girl’ with the very gorgeous Jennifer Aniston?
‘Oh God George we need to make a decision and get home or the supper will be burnt!’
That is not my fault. Why do you always put it in the oven before we come here Pips? You know how it is. You can never make a decision in less than half an evening.
‘Quick, let’s hurry up’.
What about ‘Cleopatra’ with the one and only Elizabeth Taylor?
‘What sort of thing do you feel like this evening?’
She doesn’t know.
‘Sorry?’
She never knows.
‘What do you feel like?’
‘Oh I don’t know...’
See? I told you. She’s always like this. Always always always always always...
‘All the new releases have been moved to the shelf over there’.
‘Oh I didn’t see that. How did I miss that? George you’re standing in the middle of the shop as usual. Can you just move... so people don’t have to walk around you’.
Not really Pips because I won’t be able to see all the titles. What about ‘The Wedding Planner’ with the very wonderful Jennifer Lopez?


‘George please come and watch the film’.
I’m not interested Pips. You always choose films with nobody very
wonderful in them.
‘Or if you’re not going to watch it can you at least sit down quietly and be good’.
Not really because I have things to do.
‘What are you up to over there?’
A little early spring-cleaning of my bookshelf if you don’t mind.
‘It’s really off-putting trying to watch a film with you rummaging around’.
Well you should have thought of that before you rejected all my suggestions. I was looking forward to our DVD evening but I have had enough of your choices I really have.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to join me? You’re supposed to be my hot water bottle for our film evenings’.
Well you are supposed to be leaving enough room in the bookshelf for me. It is not supposed to be a dumping ground for all your self help books.
‘George don’t/
Grrrrrrrrrr grrrrrrrrrrrr
‘George no leave it! Come over here and cuddle up with me and watch this film’.
Phone Pips! The phone is ringing!
‘Bloody hell. Who is that now?’
How would I know?
‘Hello?.... Oh hi Abbie, how are you?.... No no it’s fine, I’m just watching Michael Clayton on DVD but George is putting me off..... ‘


‘Are you putting everything back in that shelf? I’m getting out of the bath in a minute and I want everything back in that shelf George including your horrible chewed-up bone and the blanket, I mean it. ..... What a disrupted evening...... I didn’t follow that film at all thanks to you. You had the whole afternoon to make a mess but no, you wait until the evening when all I want to do is watch a film....... You know it makes me realise how small my life has become. I don’t do anything anymore. I was always going to the Screen on the Green before I got you. I went to concerts and galleries ..... I used to be out all the time. I suppose it doesn’t matter because life changes but...... Perhaps Terry will come to the cinema with me one night and Will can look after you and Freddie........ OK I’m getting out of the bath now and I want to see everything back in that shelf, OK George? Where is my towel......? I’m coming..... coming.........’


‘I know you do this on purpose to annoy me George, I know you do. Wake up! This is my bed. Mine! And the least you can do having emptied the entire bookshelf is sleep in it. Now move. Go on...... OK I’m moving you....’