Forty Three

Faster Pips faster! He’s behind you. He’s coming up behind you. He’s getting closer and closer and/ PIPS HE’S ALMOST ON TOP OF YOU! KEEP AWAY FROM HER! DON’T YOU TOUCH HER!…..

….Here he comes again Pips. Quick, change lanes. He’s coming… he’s coming…. he’s com/ STAY AWAY FROM HER! LEAVE PIPS ALONE! DON’T HURT MY PIPS!….


‘Hello? The little dog down by the pool is barking non-stop and driving everyone mad. I had to get out early. I couldn’t stand it anymore’.


‘It’s OK George I’m here. What a racquet you’ve been making. Did you see that bloody man who kept ploughing into me?’
I saw him Pips. I saw him! I told him to leave you alone but he wouldn’t listen.
‘What a bully. There’s always one. I’m just going to go and change. I’ll be back in a minute. Wait here’.


I love the smell of chlorine in the morning Pips. It’s terrific.
‘OK I think we’ve got everything. Let’s go and find a café for breakfast. No, it’s this way out George’.
‘Excuse me?’
‘Yes?’
‘There have been a number of complaints about your dog’.
‘Really?’
‘The barking has upset some of our regular swimmers’.
‘Oh no. I’m sorry about that’.
‘I’ve passed the complaints on to the pool supervisor’.
‘I did speak to Kyle who gave me permission/’
‘Kyle’s not here today’.
‘I know but/’
‘It’s not up to Kyle’.
‘Well he was the person I was told to speak to’.
‘It’s up to the supervisor’.
‘I spoke to the supervisor. And I spoke to the supervisor of the supervisor who told me I had to speak to the lifeguard so she put me on to Kyle’.
‘It’s not our policy to allow dogs’.
‘He was only barking’.
‘That was the problem’.
Look sunshine. Don’t blame me. There was a whale in there crashing into everyone and it’s not my fault you’ve got a lifeguard who sits in his chair doing nothing. Why don’t you tell the whale not to come back? Why don’t you do that? Then everyone would be happy.
‘Come on George let’s go’.
I’m a busy dog. I have many other more important things to do in my day than supervise a public swimming pool because you can’t provide a lifeguard who’s up to the job. Don’t I Pips? Pips, don’t I?


‘…..the dog’s gone. It left a few minutes ago’.
‘I called Kyle. He says he was told the dog was well-behaved’.
‘Well-behaved? Those dogs? They’re the worst. Got nasty little characters. Our neighbour had one. It tore up the flowerbed in half a morning. They couldn’t wait to get rid of it. Took it to Battersea’.