Eighty Two

‘And whatsmore not only did she leave $12 million to her dog, Trouble, but she left two of her grandchildren with nothing!’
Maybe they did not deserve anything Pips because….. they may have been nasty to Trouble for instance.
‘It’s not as if the dog was well-behaved. It says here ‘Trouble was an advertising star for Helmsley Hotels who apparently had a track record of biting members of staff’. Mmm. Sounds like someone I know’.
That was probably because she was always being picked up and put somewhere she did not want to be Pips.
‘I cannot get over leaving such a ridiculous amount of money to a dog. What an idiotic thing to do. What on earth is the dog going to do with $12 million?’
I do not see anything wrong with it. I would have no problem spending that money. In fact I have been giving a great deal of thought during this conversation as to what I would do with $12 million. First of all I should like to buy a garden to play rough and tumble in even though you have shown no interest in playing it with me which has been disappointing. Still, I should very much like a garden for myself. I would also like a new collar. I think a tartan one like Freddie’s would suit me very well. And if there is any money left over I should very much like a bowl with my name, George, on it. And if there is still money left over I would like gourmet rabbit dinners every day.
‘Apparently Trouble is not the first animal to receive a share of a will George. Listen to this: ‘Frankie, a Chihuahua, became the beneficiary of a one-third share of a $5 million home in San Diego’. Oh and you’ll like this George! ‘Jaspar, once a resident of Battersea Dogs home, is now master of a fortune of £150,000 after his owner left him £50,000 in shares in 1995’.’
That’s terrific Pips! I think I should very much like you to make a will.
‘I’ve never thought about making a will before but now I have you maybe I should. Although if I die tomorrow George I have nothing to leave you. In fact you are all I have to leave. Well, you and my flat’.
Don’t you have any shares Pi/……. Help! Pips I’m stuck! HELP!
‘Oh no wait George, your lead is wrapped around the lamppost’.
What do I need to do?
‘Come round the other side of it. No, walk backwards George’.
Where am I going?
‘You need to walk backwards’.
How do I walk backwards when I was going round?
‘Backwards George….. there we go. That’s it. You should know that you can’t walk the other side of a lamppost from me when you’re on the lead’.
Well you shouldn’t read the newspaper while we are walking along because not only is it rude when I am talking to you but you are not looking where I am walking and so it is your fault if you walk the wrong side of the lamppost. Now where was I? Oh yes. Are you sure you don’t have any shares or money hidden away that you have forgotten about?
‘The thing is I would hate for you to go back to Battersea if anything happened to me. I suppose I should think about who would look after you. Who would you like to look after you if I die George?’
I would very much like to live with Freddie.
‘You could go and live with my parents in the country’.
I should prefer to live with Freddie actually.
‘I don’t think Laura or Abbie could have you and Simon wouldn’t want you’.
I don’t want him either Pips. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO N/
‘Ssssh George. Perhaps I should speak to Terry. See if he and Will and Freddie would be prepared to take you on’.
They have already said they would have me Pips. Terry told me recently.
‘The main thing is for you to be happy George, wherever you might end up’.
I don’t think I would be really happy living without you Pips even if you have gone to a better place. But if it will make you happy I promise I will try. Are you absolutely sure you don’t have any shares or anything that you may have forgotten about?
‘Oh George I’m feeling tearful just thinking about it….’
Don’t cry Pips. I was just kidding. You know me.