Eighty Three

‘Hi Simon. Welcome back. How were the Seychelles?’
‘I’m feeling jetlagged and I need a double espresso’.
‘Right. Well I’ll go and get it for you now’.
‘We had a nightmare flight back’.
‘Why? What happened?’
‘Don’t ask. Is Jason around?’
‘He’s out at a meeting but will be back late morning’.
‘I need a word with him’.


‘Here’s your espresso’.
‘Can you get me some of those clear plastic folders from the stationery cupboard? I’ve got some things I want to sort out’.
‘How many do you need?’
‘I don’t know. About ten? What’s the weather been like while I was away?’
‘About the same as the rest of the summer. A little sunnier but/’
‘Ugh!’
‘What’s….?’
‘What have they done to this coffee?’
‘I don’t know… I mean it’s the usual…oh, the phone! I’ll just get that’.
‘If it’s Lindsay I’m out of the office’.


‘So he obviously didn’t have a good holiday with Lindsay and he’s now trying to worm his way out of the relationship. It always happens George. And it’ll be all her fault just you wait. Now let’s have a look and see if we’ve got some of those plastic folders’.
Allow me Pips.
‘George get your fat bottom out of the cupboard. I can’t see’.
But I can find them for you. There should be some just…… here……
‘Can you see them George?’
somewhere………
‘I can’t see any. Can you?’
Perhaps they are on the other shelf….
‘I only need ten of them’.
Let me see………..um………
‘We should have some. We always need them’.
They should be just….. here….
‘It doesn’t look like we’ve got any’.
Wait a minute I think/
‘You know what? This really pisses me off George. This cupboard is supposed to be kept stocked up’.
Yes of course Pips. If you could just move over a little bit I think there may be some/
‘Why can no-one do their job properly?’
just over….
‘How difficult can it be to keep a stationery cupboard stocked up for God’s sake! It’s not rocket science!’
Although I have to say it is an extremely delicate operation and/
‘The one thing Simon asks for in ages and we haven’t got it’.
I can understand your frustration Pi/
‘That’s just super’.
I think perhaps I can explain what might have happ/
‘And this cupboard is a bloody mess. Why have we got 10 boxes of Tippex?’
Well the thing is/
‘That’s about a hundred bottles!’
Yes, it is and…… far be it from me to blame someone else/
‘Get out of the cupboard George’.
but Nadine does not always order what I ask/
‘NOW!’
Yes Pips.


‘Why aren’t there any?’
‘I don’t.. well obviously they weren’t ordered. But I’ll pop out to the stationers right now and get you some’.
‘It never ceases to amaze me how even the simplest task in this place is beyond our capability. Sometimes I think I employ a bunch of morons. What’s the point in having a stationery cupboard with nothing in it?’
‘There are some things in it’.
‘Really? Like what? No don’t tell me. There’s probably hundreds of some utterly useless item that we never use like Tippex or something’.
‘Mmm….’
‘I blame the sickbag. He’s always hanging out in the stationery cupboard aren’t you?’
‘He just likes to be busy’.
‘Oh he’s busy all right. I don’t know what he gets up to, rummaging around in there. Hey sickbag! Where are you going?’
I am going to lie down for a while.
‘George? Are you OK? Is something the matter?’
‘Yeah I’ll tell you what the matter is. There’s something dodgy going on with that dog and stationery’.