Eighty Nine

‘….they live up in Derby with my ex-wife’.
That’s it Pips. It’s time to go.
‘But you do see them?’
‘Oh yeah. Every weekend. I drive up there on Friday night and stay with friends – I’ve got some good friends up there - do stuff with the kids as much as I can and come back Sunday evening’.
‘What do you do with them?’
Who cares Pips? Let’s go home.
‘All sorts. We usually go to the park and there’s a local pool so sometimes we go swimming. My son likes football so if Derby City are playing we’ll maybe go to a game’.
‘Do they come down to London sometimes?’
‘Occasionally but they’re too young to come on their own so it’s easier for me to go up there. And it’s less disruptive for them. When they’re older they’ll come more often. They’re coming here for Christmas’.
It’s time to go Pips. Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s/
‘Well no they’re staying with their mum over Christmas but then I’m collecting them and bringing them back here for New Year. I was thinking of taking them to a show or something. I thought about ‘The Lion King’. A guy at work took his kids and said they loved it. Have you seen it?’
No we haven’t and we’re not interested either because we don’t like children do we Pips?
‘No I haven’t. I’ve heard it’s really good though’.
‘In fact that reminds me to call up about tickets. It’s nice for the kids to do things they wouldn’t do at home. Their mum doesn’t take them to the theatre so it’ll be a new thing for them. And then my brother’s coming over with his lot’.
‘He’s got children too has he?’
‘He’s got two and his new partner’s got three so...’
Three??!!! Come on Pips, let’s go. What are you waiting for?
‘it’ll be busy although he did say something about her taking her kids to visit their grandparents for New Year so I don’t know…….’
‘Gosh well that’s… great, I mean that you see your kids so much and/’
It is not good for us Pips. What are you talking about?
‘I don’t want to miss out on their growing up. I know it’s a cliché but… luckily Derby’s not that far. The traffic’s a nightmare getting back into London on Sundays, bloody hell it’s ridiculous but… I like getting out of London at weekends to be honest. What about you?’
‘Me? In what way?’
‘What do you get up to?’
‘Oh! Well… it’s just George and me so/’
‘George?’
‘My dog’.
‘Oh! Yes, of course’.
Yes Adrian. I’m still under the table. But I’m just leaving.
‘George you’ve been very quiet this evening’.
‘He’s been munching his way through a packet of salt and vinegar crisps down there’.
‘Yes he likes crisps. George?’
I’m going home Pips. See you later.
‘George?…. excuse me a second……… George oh no you’re not! Got you’.
But Pips/
‘Come and sit on my lap a moment……..’
HE’S GOT CHILDREN!
‘Ssssh! Sorry about that. He just gets something into his head and he’s off. So where was I? Oh yes. George and me. So… yes, my life is pretty simple really’.
‘Right. As you have probably gathered, mine isn’t!’
‘Well….’
‘The thing is… it would be great to have a relationship, it would, but…. to be honest I don’t really have time for one. I put myself on the website because….. actually I don’t know why I put myself on it. I was about to take myself off it in fact but then I got your email so…. the point is I’m hardly in London for starters. I work here, that’s all. Half of my life is in Derby. Well no, more than half. And my kids come first. That’s the way it is and I just don’t have much time for anything else. They’re my number one priority’.
‘Of course’.


‘I bet he’s a great dad George’.
I don’t care Pips.
‘He obviously loves his kids/’
Only because they’re his.
‘and wants to be involved with their growing up’.
But we don’t want to be. So that is that. Because we’re not interested.
‘I thought he was quite sweet’.
We’re not interested we’re not interested we’re not interested we’re not interested/
‘I liked the fact that he was honest about his kids being his top priority’.
I notice you didn’t you say that I was your top priority Pips. When he said his kids were his number one priority you could have said ‘George is my number one priority’. It was the perfect opportunity. But no, nothing.
‘I think I want someone who has some time for me though and I don’t see any room in his life for a girlfriend, do you?’
Or for me Pips. Or for me! It is not all about you.
‘I mean what’s the point in getting involved with someone who has no time or space in his life for you?’
There isn’t any point Pips. There would be no fun in that for us at all. None at all.
‘I’d just end up feeling like an inconvenience’.
When in fact his children would be the inconvenience wouldn’t they?
‘I’d just be lonely….’
Because we don’t like children do we Pips?
‘and still talking to you’.