Eighty Eight

‘George where are you? I can’t see you’.
I’m here Pips, I’m here.
‘What were you doing behind the tree/ whoops! Shit’.
Careful Pips.
‘Don’t let go of me George or I’ll fall over’.
I’m not holding on to you Pips. I’m on the lead.
‘I feel really dizzy. I think I drank too much’.
Yes you did.
‘Gosh it’s cold. I didn’t realise it was so cold outside’.
Will’s friends Magda and Siobhan offered to give us a lift home when they were leaving but you said ‘no, it only takes us a couple of minutes to walk, besides which George will need to pee’ which I have done Pips just now thank you very much. Behind the tree, since you were asking what I was doing there.
‘It was a great party wasn’t it?’
Yes it was Pips. It was terrific. Mind the bench!
‘Did you have fun with Freddie?’
I did. We took it in turns to pull the laundry out of the washing machine/
‘Terry and Will are so lovely together’.
‘and then we put it in their bed with Freddie’s bone as a birthday surprise for Terry. I think he will be thrilled.
‘I was thinking George’.
What?
‘I was thinking…..’
What Pips?
‘What was I thinking? I’ve forgotten now what I was thinking’.
You need to get home Pips. Come on. You’re tired and drunk.
‘Look at the moon George. See how big and low it is?’
Yes it’s magnificent but you are not walking in a straight line Pips and I feel we should get you home before you fall over and can’t get up.
‘I know what I was thinking. I think……. I would like a boyfriend who is gay’.
What?
‘What do you think George?’
I think that’s a stupid idea Pips. I really do.
‘It would make things so much easier’.
In what way exactly?
‘Gay men are always so much nicer to me that straight men. They always have been’.
You know you shouldn’t get on to the subject of men because it just upsets you.
‘They don’t make me feel inadequate because I’m not 25 anymore or tall, skinny and blonde or….’
You’re not going to start crying are you Pips?
‘I just never feel good enough…..’
Oh no. Don’t start crying Pips. We have to get home.
‘Why is everything so complicated?’
Keep walking Pips keep walking.
‘I don’t know why I bother George. It’s all hopeless’.
Not far to go now Pips. And when we get home I think you should make yourself a nice hot water bottle for bed and, if so, I may join you tonight.
‘I’ve got a shitty job…’
Working for a tosser, yes. That is true.
‘And I’ve read I don’t know how many bloody self-help books which haven’t helped me at all and I mean….. what’s the point in any of it if no-one is going to be interested?’
We’re almost home. We are. Don’t stop now…
‘Will and Terry look after each other. They really care for each other’.
Freddie says they have huge rows over little things sometimes, actually.
‘Life is just meaningless without someone to share it with’.
But we are sharing it Pips.
‘I mean I have you but…’
But what?
‘If you were a man George, would you find me attractive? Or would you ignore me because I’m not Angelina Jolie?’
Well as a matter of fact I think Angelina is a very lovely girl… Look! We’re home Pips!
‘I bet the only reason you like me at all is because you’re a dog… Where are my keys?’
They’re in your bag where you put them.
‘If you were a man I bet you’d prefer to be living with Angelina Jolie. Where are my keys?’
Careful you don’t fall in the dustbin Pips, you’re swaying.
‘Here they are. I’ve got them!’
And don’t drop the keys in the bin either if you don’t mind.
‘Here we go George. Let me just….. unlock…… did you see the moon by the way?’
Yes I did. You pointed it out earlier thank you.
‘There we are. In you go’.
In I go. By the way, coming back to your question. I think I would very much like to live with Angelina as she is a terrific girl but no, on reflection I would prefer to be right here where I am, with you. Yes I would Pips, because you don’t have children.