Hundred and Forty Three

'Nice to see Simon is in his usual upbeat post-holiday mood George. I say 'Happy New Year' and all he can manage is 'Is it?' The man has just come back from yet another expensive tropical break while the rest of us have been stuck here in this shitty weather and all he can do is moan as normal. I know it's not going well with Stephanie but there's no need to take it out on us'.
If it makes you feel better Pips, I wiped my dirty paws all over his designer chair first thing this morning as a New Year 'welcome back' and it gave me a special thrill I must say.
'Now he's playing with his new iPad. That's productive'.
The phone's ringing Pips!
'Good morning, Simon Lewis's office.... Hello. .... Yes if you can hold a second I'll just see if he's available...'
Who is it Pips?
'Simon? I've got Lee Pemberton on the line. He wants to speak to you about their last order..... OK. ... Lee?.. I'm afraid he's in a meeting at the moment. Can he call you later?..... Fine. I'll make sure he calls you. Yes. Bye. George no put that down'.
If Simon can play with his iPad then I can play with my tinkly ball/
'George no!'
The phone's ringing Pips!
'Good morning, Simon Lewis's office...... Stephanie! Hi.
It's Stephie. HE'S A TOSSER!
'Sssh George! Sorry about that, I'll just see if Si/.... .... Oh. Right. ... You want me to tell him that?... OK well/ Hello?'
She's just hung up on you again hasn't she Pips?
'Oh dear George'.
'Philippa?'
'Yes Simon?'
'Come here'.
'Coming...... What's...?'
'What are these marks on my chair?'
'What marks?'
'These. Here'.
'I can't really see any/'
'Oh come on. Has your horrible little runt of a dog been up on my chair?'
'No no he doesn't/'
'So it's a mystery then?'
'Er Simon I just have to tell you quickly that Stephanie just called/'
'I don't want to speak to her. I'm in a meeting'.
'I know. But she's um... she's thrown all your stuff out of her flat onto the street'.
'What do you mean?'
Well I hope the homeless are helping themsel/
'No George! You stay out there'.
'She's done what?'
'That's what she said'.
'When?'
'Just now'.
'Has she gone completely mad? I'm at work. What does she expect me to do?'
'I don't know really'.
'For Christ sake. She told you she's chucked it all out on the street?'
'Yes'.
'Shit. I'll have to go down there. I don't know what time I'll be back'.


'I feel a bit sorry for him George'.
There's no need to Pips.
'She sounded a bit unstable'.
The phone's ringing! The phone's ringing!
'Not again. Good morning Simon Lewis's office..... No I'm afraid he's out at the moment. Can I take a message?..... Laetitia?... May I ask what it's regarding? .... OK... Well I'll get him to call you. What's your number?..... Does he? Oh. Right. Well I'll tell him you called... Yes I will. Bye... Who is 'Laetitia' George?'
Laetitia?
'She said it was 'personal' and that he has her number'.
I don't think we should jump to conclus/
'And she's french'.
In that case say no more. French girls are very lovely Pips as I know from my own experience with the adorable Mathilde who I met chasing my ball in the Tuileries and the very lovely Colette who had only three legs and was a terrific girl. She has probably had her prothese fitted by now and is frolicking in the Jardin du Lux/
'OK I don't feel sorry for him anymore. He's a tosser'.
I know.