Hundred and Thirty Eight

'.... But Ruthie and Freddie were absolutely no problem. It's only George who's incapable of behaving himself. He fell on Elliot's head for God's sake! And he's just turned 79!'
Tall and tan and young and lovely
The girl from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes/
'Hang on Abbie. George get on with it and do your business. It's bloody freezing out here'.
I'm trying Pips. I thought that singing a warm song may help because the cold doesn't agree with my bowels and I can't help it if there is no movement and nothing is coming.
'What was I saying?.... Oh yes/.... Well no I know it wasn't his fault but taxis are always stopping suddenly which is why I didn't want him up on the back shelf. It's my own fault. I should have taken him on an obedience training course years ago and now I can't afford it'.
When she walks, she's like a samba
That swings so cool and sways so gen/
'Honestly Abbie he's pfaffing around and not showing the slightest interest in getting on with it. Hurry up George! I'm freezing to death and it's getting dark. Come on!'.
The cold makes me constipated Pips. Nothing is happening. I feel I could hold it for a week I really do.
'OK look Abbie I've got to get home. I'm so cold I can hardly think straight and my toes are like ice. So are you on for some Christmas shopping next weekend?.... Great. We'll talk in the week then. Yes, bye. OK come on George. You've missed your chance. And it's no use kicking your back legs as though you've actually performed'.
Only kidding Pips. You know me.


Pips? Pips? Pips? PIPS!
'No George! We've only just got back inside. You'll have to wait'.
I can't. The heat is having an effect and I can feel my bowels starting to work again and I need to/........oh.
'GEORGE?!'
Whoops.
'Shit George I don't believe this!'