Hundred and Nine

'Welcome for Easter Freddie. I hope you'll be happy with us and not too homesick'.
How can he be homesick Pips when he has no home anymore? He is a dog of divorcing owners and it's all gone shih tzu. She can be very insensitive sometimes Freddie, I apologise.
'I'll take you both for a walk by the canal later but right now I just need to find out what the bloody hell's gone wrong with my computer. We'll put your bowl next to George's Freddie and I'm putting your basket here beside the radiator'.
He won't be sleeping in his basket tonight Pips. He wants to sleep with me in the bookcase don't you Freddie? I'll just move Pips's self-help books which have all been put back in MY BOOKCASE!
'Why is my computer refusing to do anything? George no don't start moving my books out of the bookshelf again or I will get cross'.
But Freddie wants to sleep in the bookcase with me and you told me before he came round that I had to share my things with him.
'It's so typical. You just want to do one small thing and the computer starts playing up. George leave my books alone! I don't want bite marks all over them!'
Well you should have thought about that before you moved them all back into my bookcase AS IF I WOULDN'T NOTICE!
'Don't snap George. You're supposed to be showing Freddie how well you can behave at home'.
But you promised Terry you would look after him and you're doing nothing of the sort when you put all your books back in the bookcase so that there is no room for him to sleep with me. Don't worry Freddie. I'll make space for you'.
'No George leave it! We went through all this nonsense the other week. Leave the books alone!'
Hey Freddie we can have a midnight feast! I know where Pips hides my Good Boy drops which she doesn't give me anymore because she takes me for granted and has stopped trying. We can hide them under my blanket which you can share with me/
'George if you don't stop taking everything out of the bookcase right now you're going to get a smacked bottom'.
'You'd better be careful George'.
She doesn't smack me Freddie, she never has. Do you feel like watching a DVD this evening? Pips? Freddie would like to watch a DVD this evening so can we pass by the DVD shop when we go for our walk? What do you feel like seeing Freddie? A drama or a comedy? Or perhaps a dramady? Here, take this book...
'George! What did I just say to you?'
Or perhaps something with the very wonderful Jennifer Aniston? As long as it's not French we don't mind what we watch do we Pips? Look Freddie. See this? It's the only DVD Pips owns. 'Deep Relaxation: Programme your mind to feel good' it says. It didn't work. It made no difference. None at all. Perhaps Terry would like to borrow it as he's miserable now-OW! OW PIPS! GET OFF ME! HOW DARE YOU!
'I warned you George'.
HOW DARE YOU SMACK ME PIPS!
'I need to get this computer fixed and I'm trying to concentrate and I've told you to leave my books alone! Why can't you be well-behaved like Freddie?'
I am only trying to clear a space for him to sleep next to me so that he WON'T BE LONELY! That's it. I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day. I'm going to sit in my bookcase with Freddie - come on Freddie, let's sit in the bookcase - and he isn't speaking to you either so up yours.


'I think I've done it. My computer seems to be working again! I don't know why but... God, that's a relief. OK so Freddie? George? Shall we go for a walk? George do you want to bring your ball with you?...... George?'
I don't feel like a walk now and neither does Freddie, do you Freddie? No. Because he is as disappointed in you as I am and we've decided we're staying here in the bookcase. So there.
'Hey I tell you what. Shall we pop by the DVD shop on the way and pick up a film for tonight? Would you like that?'
We were interested in that idea earlier but we're not now are we Freddie? We're not in the mood anymore Pips because you ruined it.
'Come on George. I'm sorry I smacked you but it's all forgotten now'.
Well I haven't forgotten about it.
'Aren't you coming?'
Does it look like it?
'Freddie how about you? Would you like a walk?'
'Well....'