Two

There's always…. what's in here?……. chocolate wrapper….. tissue… ….ticket…….
'George what are you doing in the wastepaper basket?'
There's nowhere else to explore Philippa. Have you seen the size of your place?
'You're not making a mess are you?'
This whole flat is the size of Rupert and Katie's kitchen.
'I'm going to put the kettle on'.
Where am I going to play rough and tumble Philippa? I do like my rough and tumble…..
'I need a cup of tea.'


…… terracotta pot…….. palm tree…. tree? That makes me….. no George we're inside now, you have to hold on….. I do like the bookcase though. I’ve never seen one from the floor to the ceiling before. That’s terrific! The bottom shelf is a bit of a mess but…. wait, I have an idea...
‘What are you doing George?’
I’m just trying to get into the bookcase Philippa because I think it would be cosy in here.
‘George I bought you a basket. Look! Over here! This is your bed’.
But I think I would prefer to sleep on the shelf here.
‘I bought it especially for you. Don’t you want it?’
Not really because I just feel that this corner of the bottom shelf would be perfect for me.
‘Your basket is very comfortable'.
How do you know Philippa when you can’t fit in it?
‘OK wait a minute George, let me just move a couple of these books for you’.
You have a lot of books Philippa.... ‘The Road Less Travelled’…where is that? Perhaps we can go for a walk there one day? I think I would like that. What’s that one?... 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway'… I don't understand that….. And what's this....? ‘How to Raise a Dog in the City’. That must be all about me.
‘There we are George but if you’re going to sit in the bookcase you’ve got to promise me you won’t chew my books’.
Promise Philippa. There. See? I knew this spot would suit me. You can take the basket back to the shop because I won’t be using it.
‘Are you a bit nervous being in a new home?’
No but I’ve just decided that I'd like this shelf to be mine.
‘You’re comfortable wedged in there like that are you?’
I’m very comfortable Philippa, yes thank you.
‘Well if you want to live in the bookcase I suppose that’s OK. The main thing is if you could try not to bark too much in the flat that would be really great because Margaret, who lives in Flat No. 10, is a rather unhappy person and she’s going to be even more unhappy once she discovers I’ve got you. She lives at the top of the house so she won’t even hear you but she’s against the whole idea of you. Don’t take it personally though George, she’s against the idea of most things. That’s Margaret. Anyway once you’ve settled in you’ll be coming to work with me. Admittedly that isn’t very exciting in itself but I work near Oxford Street which means we’ll have a good walk every morning and evening through Bloomsbury - except when it’s raining when we’ll catch the 38 bus'.
The bus? But wait, don’t you have a car somewhere? I don’t want to seem ungrateful Philippa but the thing is that Rupert and Katie’s house in Cheam had four bedrooms and even though Steve and Debs only had a small flat they did have a car which suited us very well. I don't really want to catch the bus again so do you think you might get a car sometime soon?
‘That’s my life really George. Oh! That’s the kettle! I can’t wait for a cup of tea. I’m parched’.
Actually you know what Philippa? I really need to have a pee.
‘So George what do you say?’
It’s the palm’s fault. Trees shouldn’t be allowed inside. I lose all sense of place which can result in accidents.
‘Do you think you’ll be able to manage?’
Manage what? I need to go out Philippa. Right now. I really do.
‘George....? Where are you?’
I’m here by the door.
‘Oh! There you are. Do you need to go out?’
Yes, that’s why I’m standing here.
‘Right. OK well er…gosh, we've only just got in, um….do you think you could wait just a minute while I have my cup of tea? Oh no that’s mean Philippa! I can’t believe you just said that. You’ve only just got him for God’s sake! OK let’s go George. Let me get my keys. Now where are they?’
Philippa I’m going to pee all over your coir matting in a minute if you don’t organise yourself soon and it’ll be all my fault when really it’s yours for keeping me waiting because you’re so forgetful.

So anyway what do you think about the idea of getting a car Philippa? Then if it’s raining we can drive into work and also go into the country at weekends because I don’t want to go on any more buses.
'…..onto the grass that would….. No. Obviously not.'
What was that Philippa?
'Too late'.
What do you think? Because I don't want to use public transport if you don't mind.
'That was my fault. I should have told you sooner.'
Because it's filthy and crowded and as you saw for yourself the bus drivers can't actually drive and/ What is your fault?
'In future could you try not to pee on the dustbins immediately outside the front door. Can you wait until we get across the street and on to the grass?'
I didn't know. You should have told me before Philippa.