Thirty Three

…so we are now short of strikers with Owen out of the action, you see Pips, which could be a tragedy for us and……look over there Pips. Can you see the Bichon Frisé by the bench? Isn’t she beautiful? I think I would very much like to meet her. Do you think you could let me off the lead for once so that I can go over and introduce myself?
‘Here we are George’.
What do you mean?
‘We’re in the middle of the park so there’s no traffic and today is your lucky day. We’re going to try you off the lead’.
Oh Pips you listened to me! I love you Pips I really love you. I want to lick you all over/
‘OK George calm down. I want you to promise me that you are not going to go running off like last time/’
I didn’t run off last time Pips/
‘or you will be straight back on the lead’.
I was just running around in circles. And I won’t be straight back on the lead as a matter of fact because if I run off you would have to find me first, wouldn’t you, actually.
‘Right George. Here goes…… That’s it. There you go’.
Thank you very much Pips. Now if you don’t mind I am just going to introduce myself to the Bichon Frisé…
‘George?’
See?….. I’m not running off… I’m not running off Pips…
‘George?’
But she looks like my type of girl….
‘George!’


‘Quick Gemma we need to run and grab Daffodil, there’s a Jack Russell coming over. I hate Jack Russells. They’re scrappy little dogs’.
‘Daffodil come here’.
‘Oh my God, she’s on heat too’.
‘Daffodil!’
Daffodil? That’s a very pretty name. Hello. I’m George.
‘Oh no. I give him two seconds and he’ll be jumping on her’.
You caught my eye from over there by the pond and I couldn’t resist coming over to introduce myself. You look very beautiful in your diamanté
collar if I might say so. It shows off the sparkle in your eyes.
‘Thank you Georgie’.
I tell you what Daffodil/
‘George!’
as time is short would you mind if I just/
‘Oh my God. George NO! Get off her’.
Go away Pips. Do not disturb me. Get your hands off me Pips! GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! HELP!
‘It’s all right Gemma, I’ve got her’.
‘I’m so sorry. He’s mine. I’m putting him straight back on the lead’.
‘Poor Daffy. You’re safe now sweetie’.
‘That is naughty George. What did I say to you over there?’
You have no right to do this to me Pips, none at all/
‘And it’s no use wriggling…’
I am a dog and I have needs and it is unreasonable to expect me to ignore a pretty girl.
‘That’s it George. You’ve blown it. The lead is staying on from now on. If you’re not running off into traffic you’re behaving like a randy teenager’.
If I need to get my leg over from time to time that is my business Pips. It is nothing to do with you.
‘I’m very cross with you George’.
Just because you don’t have a boyfriend is no reason to take your frustration out on me.
‘I mean it’.
So do I Pips. You need a boyfriend.


‘You see what I mean about Jack Russells?’
‘I think you should let Daffodil have some puppies one day’.
‘Well I might at some point, but I will be choosing the daddy and it wouldn’t be that one’.