Sixty Six

‘But I was told someone would call me back…….. about four hours ago……well no, because the point is we’re now coming up to five o’clock and if I don’t go home soon then you no doubt will and having been given four wrong numbers just to get through to the correct department in the first place/……… what?........ well if Jennifer’s not there then someone else should call me. She promised me that either she, or someone else, would call me back …… yes I know, you’ve just told me, but it doesn’t matter. She would have known it was her half day wouldn’t she so presumably she passed the query onto someone else……………… no, not really because it’s such a long and protracted story. Perhaps you could find out who she spoke to and I can speak to them…………… no I’ll hold because you don’t call back do you? Oh! She’s there? But I thought it was her half day…………. Well I’m confused but anyway……. OK, I’ll talk to her then……’


‘But you said she was there………. She’s not there now…….. Sorry, who are you?....... Right. Well whoever I was speaking to just now told me that Jennifer was there even though he told me just before that it was her half day so………….. OK, well I just need to speak to someone who knows what they’re talking about……… an order, yes. For a Simon Lewis……. no he can’t, he left about fifteen minutes ago for a meeting and won’t be back in the office until tomorrow now. You can tell me, I’m his PA …… …………… look I went through this rigmarole with Jennifer, wherever she is, I’m not going through it again. I’ve got all his order details ………….in that case I’d like to speak to the Manager. Is he or she around? ......... What’s his name? ................. No I don’t want him to call me back, I’ll hold…………………..’


‘There you are George’.
Here I am Pips.
‘I’m going straight to the top now. There’s no point in pfaffing about with people who haven’t a clue what they’re doing. What have you been up to?’
Well, while you have been getting nowhere as usual I have made a full inventory of the stationery supplies and told Nadine what to order, again, which is quite a lot as a matter of fact as it turns out she has not been ordering what I have been requesting.
‘George what have you…….? George you’ve got a post-it note on your bottom. Have you been in the stationery cupboard again? Come here and I’ll take it off’.
No Pips you will not touch my bottom if you don’t mind.
‘Hang on, has someone written on it? Come here’.
It is Simon’s idea of a joke. No stay away. Stay away!
‘George turn around so I can see what/’
NO NO NO NO NO NO!
‘Sssh George! I just want to see what it/……….. Hello? Hello?......Who are you? Are you the Manager?......... No, I was waiting to speak to the Manager……… OK, look forget it. I’ll call back tomorrow. Bye……. Bloody Hell! ....... Now come here George. What does your post-it say?’
I don’t know Pips, do I, because I can’t see it.
‘Let’s see………… ‘I AM MOULTING’. Oh George. Who put that on you?’
Who do you think Pips?
‘There’s only one person in this office who would bother to do that. Let’s get it off you. Oh and he’s stuck it on with sellotape too. Very impressive’.
OW!
‘Hasn’t he got anything better to do with his time?’
No Pips. He’s a Director.
‘I’m working for a five year old George’.
Do not insult five year olds Pips, actually. That is not fair to me.
‘How would he know you’re moulting anyway? He has nothing to do with you’.
I have no idea.