Seventy One

‘… so now I feel completely inadequate because I don’t have a husband, eight kids and a multi-million pound business. I wish the papers wouldn’t write articles about these bloody women who’ve got everything and juggle it all apparently effortlessly, it makes me sick…. no George, take your bone out of the suitcase, we’re not taking it to Barcelona. Sorry Abbie… but do you know what I mean? Not that I want eight children – I can barely cope with myself and George – but I just want to understand how someone can manage all that without having a nervous breakdown. George no, not your blanket either, if you want to take it it’s going with you in your travelling box’.
There’s no room in my travelling box Pips so you will have to take it in your case.
‘George is driving me absolutely mad at the moment. Right now he’s taking all of his stuff out of his bookshelf and filling up my case with it and… here we go, he’s picking up his ball and he’s going to put that in too, wait for it………. I knew it. George! Take it out!’
You wouldn’t have to carry all my stuff for me if you had bought the bigger travelling box but you didn’t because you are selfish so you will have to put up with it.
‘You know something? If George was a man we wouldn’t get on at all..…….. Why not? Because he’s moody and stroppy and bloody-minded and he doesn’t listen to a word I say, that’s why!’
I don’t listen to a word you say? That is rich Pips. I do NOTHING BUT LISTEN!
‘Sssh! Can you hear him Abbie? He gets so cross’.
You have gone on and on about Nicola Horlick all day to the point where I am sick of hearing about her. Do you think I am interested Pips? Well I am not. I have had it up to here with her but you don’t realise because it is you who doesn’t listen to me.
‘I mean I love George, I really do, but he’s not a substitute for a man. I mean he never was a substitute. That wasn’t the reason I got him, as some sort of compensation for not having a relationship. That’s just ridiculous. I mean…. he’s a dog! I know that. But sometimes I just long for a proper conversation’.
Right that is it Philippa. I have had enough of you today I really have. Your idea of a proper conversation may be to tell me what to do and for me to do it but I have news for you. That is not a proper conversation Pips, no. It is you being bossy.
‘Yes well when I come back I’ll…. I’ll start going out and dating a bit….’
Dating? That’s all I need. THAT IS ALL I NEED! A live-in tosser as well as one at work. In that case Pips I am going to find myself a lovely Spanish girl and I might not come home because I may well want to stay out there with her. In fact no, better still, you can stuff your miniature-sized travelling box because I have decided I don’t want to go to Barcelona after all. No. According to you I have no communication skills so what is the point in going when you will obviously only be pretending to enjoy my company/
‘George stop it! Oh sorry Abbie, I’m going to have to go. He’s taking everything out of the case now including all my stuff and throwing it around’.
Let’s just forget about Barcelona Pips. Let’s just forget it. I thought it was going to be special but you’ve ruined it now. I thought we had a meaningful relationship but I was wrong.
‘OK bye Abbie, bye. See you when we’re back. Now George what’s got into you?’
I’m not going Pips.