Forty Six

‘Are you happy in the drawer George? You’ve been sitting in there all afternoon. Don’t you want to come out?’
No Pips, I am preparing for my appraisal if you don’t mind/
‘No?’
and I do not want to be disturbed.
‘No?……. Obviously not. All right. Suit yourself’.
Thank you Pips. Question 1: ‘Summarise objectives agreed at last appraisal and comment on achievements’. This is not applicable to me as I did not have an appraisal last year as I was not with the Company at the time. Question 2: ‘What new skills have you learnt or developed over the past year?’ Well I have learnt to train new and temporary staff on how to use the equipment in this place such as photocopiers and scanners because no-one else knows how they work. I have fully mastered the office filing system on a day to day basis which, due to my involvement, now includes the shredding of numerous documents as a more efficient alternative to filing them in the wrong place. Question 3: ‘ What internal/external factors have affected your performance?’ External factors…… The number 38 bus. If we catch it in to work I often have to lie in my basket for half an hour or so afterwards to recover it makes me feel so sick. Internal factors…….? Simon. Question 4: ‘How do you feel you manage your time?’ There is no need to worry about my time-management skills. I am always flexible and an excellent multi-tasker although I cannot be everywhere at once which is where I feel everyone would often like me to be. Question 5: ‘How do you feel you manage your work relationships?’ Very well thank you. I have a terrific working relationship with Nadine for example whereas to Simon she is merely a convenience – or an inconvenience if she decides to go on holiday. Question 6: ‘How do you feel about your teamwork participation?’…. I am an active and productive member of the team. I have participated in the management and organisation of temporary staff - especially receptionists - and indeed am often to be found in reception meeting and greeting clients who often comment on the professionalism of my involvement in their interests. I also joined Simon and Jason in supporting our lads in their World Cup bid over the summer. Question 7: ‘How do you see your role and responsibilities developing over the coming year?’ That is a very interesting question. I see potential for my skills in every area of the company and would very much appreciate the chance to move around the other departments so that everyone, and therefore the company as a whole, has the opportunity to benefit from them. Last question…… Question number 8: ‘What are your long term goals?’ To take over Simon’s job and get a huge salary for being a tosser. Just kidding Simon.