Forty Seven

‘…. Basically he was saying that since I’ve got George I haven’t been concentrating properly on the job because I’ve been distracted but I thought it only takes half a brain to do this job so what’s the difference?….. hang on, he’s just coming out of his office…….’
‘Philippa? Oh sorry, are you…..?’
‘Just booking your cab…..it’s all right I’m on hold’.
‘OK. So where’s the sickbag? Ah there you are. Right, let’s do it. Into my office’.
Coming Simon.
‘Ha! I’ve been looking forward to this for a whole year!……’
‘……Abbie? Sorry…. Did you hear that? Simon is giving George an appraisal. No seriously. He announced it last week. I thought he was joking but he’s just taken him into his office……… oh George looks so sweet trotting behind him…….. the thing about George is that he doesn’t mean to be naughty, everything he does is done with a really good heart
……. because, well, I just know it is. Oh for God’s sake. Simon has picked George up and put him in a chair and now Simon’s sitting in his own chair on the opposite side of the table and/….. He is! I can see them through the glass. Oh no, I hope Simon’s not going to be horrible to him….’


‘Just sit there a moment while I finish something here……… now where was I?……. oh yes. ‘What internal/external factors have affected your performance?’ External factors….. well it’s got to be Lisa and her moods. Internal factors….? George and all his moods. ‘How do you feel you manage your time?’ No problem with time management. Just a shame my time is not respected by everyone else in this organisation. ‘How do you feel you manage your work relationships?’ Ah. Now we’re talking. I’ve only got one problem and that can be easily sorted by Victoria Stilwell. Reminder: Must delegate problem to Victoria. Right. Question 6: ‘How do you feel about your teamwork participation?’ Always been a believer in teamwork participation. Got a great team of people working for me. There is one individual however who doesn’t understand the meaning of the phrase and operates oblivious to everyone else. See problem referred to above. Next! ‘How do you see your role and responsibilities developing over the coming year?’ Oh I see them developing more in the direction of strapping a certain individual into his basket from 9 – 5. Preferably with a muzzle or gag. Mmmm, I like that. Final question: ‘What are your long term goals?’ Well that’s easy. To get rid of the sickbag and return this office to some semblance of a professional organisation. Good! That’s it. So, you little shit, let’s talk about/ …. ………. George?……..’
I thought we were going to have an intelligent discussion/
‘George get back on the chair’.
about my contribution to the workplace.
‘Get back on the chair’
I don’t know why I bother to help out if you’re not going to appreciate my efforts.
‘OK that’s it. Come back here’.
I don’t really feel like it.
‘I’m warning you’.
You can’t catch me Simon.
‘Get back on that chair you little bastard’.
You can’t catch me, you can’t catch me…
‘SIMON SAYS GET BACK ON THE CHAIR!’
No.


‘…….I’ve got to go Abbie. Simon is chasing George around his office’.