Fifty Five

Morning

‘Can we have a couple of cappucinos in here Philippa and hold all calls unless Lindsay rings in which case put her through’.
‘Lindsay? Oh, right. OK’.
‘So anyway Jason I can’t understand the figures for November….. I’m sure the bloody accounts department complicate them deliberately….’

‘I don’t know how Simon does it George. He’s not all that. He thinks he is but he isn’t. I don’t know how he can manage to go from one girlfriend to another with barely a break inbetween when nice people – like Abbie, Laura and me for example – are on a permanent break. I don’t get it. I really don’t. What’s so special about Simon that he deserves an endless stream of girlfriends?’
Nothing Pips. He’s a tosser if you ask me. Someone has dropped some mocha cappuccino on the floor down here. That is thoughtful of them.
‘He changes girlfriends like he changes shirts’.
It’s delicious Pips.
‘Yes?’
‘Two cappucinos’.
‘For here or to go?’
‘To go’.
‘Regular or large?’
‘Regular’.
‘With chocolate on top?’
‘Yes……. Christ George I only come in here practically every day. You’d think they’d know me by now. I only ever order the same thing’.
That’s not quite true Pips actually, no. Sometimes you order an espresso and occasionally you get a strong skinny latte for our visitors.
‘This is what happens when there’s a constant turnover of staff. You’re not recognised in a place you’ve been going into almost every day for the past five years’.
‘Dolores? This lady wants two cappuccinos to go. How do I……?’
‘Here we go. As usual no-one knows what they’re doing. The management in this place is crap’.
Just because Simon has a new girlfriend Pips is no reason to get cross with everyone about everything if you don’t mind my saying so.
‘And what I really don’t understand is that there are enough Simons in this world going through enough girlfriends that you’d think occasionally I might be the girlfriend. It’s the law of averages’.
But you don’t want a Simon, Pips.
‘Not that I want Simon. God no. Or anyone remotely like him. Working for him is bad enough, can you imagine going out with him?’
Then why are you making such a fuss Pips?
‘I’m surprised he hasn’t picked up one of the girls working in this place’.
Because he never comes in here. We come in here for him.
‘Two regular cappuccinos to go!’
‘Yes, that’s me’.
‘That is three pou/’
‘Yes I know how much it is. Here you are’.
‘Oh OK…….. yes, that’s righ/’
‘Come on George. Let’s go’.

Afternoon

‘Good afternoon, Simon Lewis’s office……….. Lindsay Powell? From which/ Oh! Lindsay! You’re Lindsay. Sorry yes, he said you might call. He’s not in his office at the moment. Can you hold a second and I’ll see if I can find him……….. where’s Simon……… Simon! There you are. It’s Lindsay on the phone for you’.
‘OK, I’ll take it in my office’.
‘Hello Lindsay? He’s here now. I’m putting you through……… That was bloody Lindsay George. George? ...... George where are you?’
‘Hi darling….. darling?...... hello?.... Philippa? Philippa! Where’s she gone?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The call didn’t come through’.
‘Really? I put it through’.
‘Well she’s not there. You must have cut her off. I’ll call her back. It doesn’t create a good impression of my business’.
Neither does sitting on your arse all day Simon.
‘…………………………. Philippa? My phone’s not working at all. I’m not getting a dial tone’.
‘But it was working earlier’.
‘Well it’s not working now’.
‘That’s strange’.
‘I haven’t got time for this. Get that guy from IT, whats-his-name, up here and I’ll call her on my mobile. Nothing like being cut off and not called back. She’s going to think I’m running a completely amateurish operation’.
That could be because you are. And whats-his-name is Mahinder by the way and he’s been working here for two years now. He told me.
‘Lindsay? Hi darling, it’s me…. listen I’m sorry you were cut off just now, my PA is still grappling with the phone system in this place…’
I heard that Simon. Oops. Pips is calling Mahinder. Time for me to go.

‘There you are George! What were you doing in Simon’s office? I didn’t see you in there’.
Not now Pips. I can’t stop now.
‘George? George come back’.


‘What Mohammed?’
‘Look at this. This is your phone lead and look, it’s all chewed close to the socket’.
‘Look at that….. But we haven’t got mice have we?’
‘No. I don’t think so’.
‘Well well well. It’s trouble for someone. Where is he? Where’s the little sickbag? PHILIPPA!’
‘I don’t know… ’
‘I do. He’ll be in reception. Narinder come with me. That dog is going to get a hot bottom it’ll never forget. It’ll be shitting fire. And I am going to enjoy every second of it’.