Fifty Eight

‘And the Oscar goes tooooooo……………… George! For being himself!’
Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you thank you. It is an honour and a great privilege to be here this evening at the world famous Kodak Theatre collecting this terrific award. I have to say that I am not entirely surprised because being me is no small achievement as they say.
‘Yes it is. Look at the size of you!’
‘Get off the stage you short arse!’
‘We can’t hear you!’
I wish to thank Pips and Abbie and Laura and Nadine/
‘Boo’.
‘Get off. Get him off!’
and Freddie and Terry and Will back home in Islington/
‘George?’
for supporting and encouraging me.
‘Go back to Battersea!’
And I also wish to thank Charles Saatchi for appreciating my artistic talent/
‘Talent? What talent?’
‘Don’t make me laugh!’
‘Ba-tter-sea! Ba-tter-sea!’
And I would particularly like to thank the Academy for recognising me.
‘Oh save us all…’
‘Will someone get that son of a bitch off the stage?’
‘Right you little sickbag that’s it. I’m getting Victoria Stilwell onto you’.
So now I think all that remains for me to say is…. I’m the ruler of the world! Long live George!
‘You ‘orreebul offenseeef leetul dog. Get off ze stage immediatement’.
‘That nasty little animal is responsible for shedding hairs all over the stairs in our house’.
‘George?’
‘BA-TTER-SEA! BA-TTER-SEA!’
‘Someone get him off! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!’
‘George wake up!’
Pips? Is that you?
‘You were twitching and whining in your sleep’.
Oh Pips it’s you! It’s you it’s you it’s you it’s you!
‘Were you dreaming?’
It was a nightmare Pips. I was collecting my Oscar and no-one liked me. They were booing me off the stage.
‘I had a dream last night George. I dreamt I was at the Oscars. It was fantastic’.