Eighteen

Friends, Residents, Complainers, lend me your ears
'No you've got the car. Mr Lewis brought it into you on Monday'.
I come to praise myself, not to……..?
'Monday yes. I think he saw a Martin or……sorry? Michael. Yes that was it. Michael'.
I come to praise myself not to….. banish me? Yes I like that. I come to praise myself, not to banish me.
'Well Michael said he would call Mr Lewis when the car was ready which would be before the end of the week but it's Friday now and/'
Am I to be or not to be here in this house? That is the question.
'Yes OK I'll hold. George? Are you all right under there? You're very quiet'.
I'm fine thank you Pips. I'm working on my speech for the AGM.
'Philippa? Sorry, when you're off the phone would you mind popping next door and getting me a cappucino?'
'OK but the garage didn't realise they had your car'.
'God the day will come in this country when we don't realise we have a brain it's been so long since we've used one'.
Speak for yourself Simon actually.
'Hello? Who am I speaking to?'
The fault, dear Margaret, lies not in the regulations but in yourself…
'Oh you're Michael. Right'.
..that you are…….what?
'Well I am ringing up on behalf of a Simon Lewis who dropped his car into your garage on Saturday……I’m sorry what was that?’'
…a pedant. Bravo George. That you are a pedant, Madge, if I may say so.
'It's not ready? OK but you've had it since Monday and promised it would be done by the end of the week'.
'If my car isn't ready I want to speak to them'.
What do you think Pips?
'OK hold on a second I'm just going to transfer you to Mr Lewis and you can explain the situation to him yourself'.
I often find that it is important to put in the time where matters of self-preservation are concerned.
'Hello? Are you Michael? This is Simon Lewis….'
'God I've had enough of today George. I'm going to nip to Starbucks to get Simon's coffee and then let's go home'.
Home? Is it time to go home already? That's terrific. Time races when one has important things to do.
'See you in a minute George'.
We're going ho-ome, we're going ho-ome……
'So you were lying basically. It never was going to be ready by the end of the week……'
Simon, if you need help putting together an argument just let me know.