Seventy Three

‘…and I was told that if I wanted to make a formal complaint I should write to Customer Services or call you on this number which is what I’m now doing and all I’m being told by everyone is that they don’t know anything about it/.. Sorry?.......... But this is Customer Services isn’t it?....... But you’re the third person I’ve spoken to who just wants to pass me on to someone else……………… but no-one has even listened to my complaint yet. The moment I mention ‘dog’ you all say you don’t know anything and that I should speak to someone else who, as it turns out, also doesn’t know anything, so…..………. Well can I just tell you what my complaint is first?....... OK, well I flew back from Barcelona yesterday with my dog and when I arrived back at Heathrow he was put on the baggage reclaim carousel, in his travelling box, and it made him sick. Which is not surprising because it took me ages to get through passport control because of the long queues and/… what? It was Heathrow, yes. I just told you it was Heathrow didn’t I?...... Well I thought I did but maybe I didn’t. OK well anyway I don’t know what your policy is on this and you’ve just told me that you don’t know anything about travelling with dogs so obviously you don’t either and neither apparently does anyone else in Customer Services/’
Because they’re tossers Pips.
‘but the point is I think it’s careless…….. yes I just told you I did, but like I said they told me to contact you. They said I should either write or call you and they gave me this number’.
Tell them it was cruelty to dogs Pips.
‘But surely someone must know something about travelling with dogs! I can’t be the only person in the world who travels with their dog – well no in fact I know I’m not because there was an Alsation on the same flight as us on the way out’.
‘Hi Philippa. How was Barcelona? Ooops sorry, didn’t realise you were on the phone. Hey sickbag, como estas?’
‘Sorry?’
‘Oh dear. I’m making too much noise. Philippa can’t hear’.
‘The point is I can’t believe anyone would be so stupid as to do such a thing’.
‘Uh oh. Is Philippa on one of those calls?’
‘But anyone would be… going round and round on a carousel for half an hour’.
‘Who went round and round on a carousel for half an hour?’
‘But they didn’t put him on the carousel at the Barcelona end’.
‘Oh no. It wasn’t you was it sickbag?’
‘Yes. He was’.
‘Was what?’
‘Well it can’t be that unusual as clearly people can be hours going through passport control if yesterday was anything to go by’.
‘What happened?’
‘Well I don’t know but quite a long time I imagine. So no wonder he was…..’
‘What?............Oh no don’t tell me. You weren’t sick were you sickbag?’
‘No I’ll tell you what it is. It’s thoughtless of the baggage handlers!’
‘Were you sick? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh that’s made my day. The sickbag was sick! I’ve got to tell Jason. That’s fantastic!’
‘But how much extra time would it take to put a travelling box on the floor instead of on the carousel? It just takes a little bit of thought that’s all’.
‘What a classic!’
‘And I can’t believe that my dog is the only one to throw up because of being put on one of them’.
‘Oh I can’.
‘I know he has a sensitive stomach but/’
‘Hey Jason! I was coming to see you. Let's get a coffee. Guess what? Philippa’s dog is such a disaster….’
‘It’s not his fault! He didn’t ask to be put on the carousel did he?........ Well anyway it happened so we can’t do anything about it. What I was wanting from you was some assurance that it wasn’t your normal procedure and therefore that it hopefully won’t happen again but as you don’t know what your policy as far as handling dogs is concerned you can’t assure me of that because it could be normal to put them on the carousel…. that’s what you’re saying….. Well who does know?....... ................ I just think it’s ridiculous, I’m sorry, that an airline that presumably flies dogs all over the world, hasn’t a clue what its policy or procedure is as far/……. …….. But you don’t. And in fact you’ve even suggested that my dog is somehow to blame for being sick!............. ...................… OK well look I have to go. I can’t spend any more time on this. I’m at work and my boss has just walked in and…. I would just like to travel with my dog again in the future but I don’t really want him to be sick every time and I don’t know what to do about it because if he is put on another carousel he will be. …. Maybe I should stick a note on his box or something explaining that he can’t be put on a carousel but I expect it would just be ignored and then it would be my fault, or his fault, that it wasn’t read………… OK well, I’ve got to go. I’m sorry, I realise it wasn’t you who put him on it but it’s extremely frustrating not being able to talk to anyone who knows what the procedure is………..OK, yes… bye. Bye. ……….. What is the point in having a Customer Service Department that can’t provide any customer service? And I thought Simon wasn’t supposed to be in until the afternoon. Trust him to come in on the middle of that conversation. Isn’t that just typical George?.................. George?’
Here Pips.
‘Where are you and what are you doing?’
I’m going to make Simon sick and see how he likes it.
‘Oh George no! That’s naughty! OK we’re going to put everything back in Simon’s bag right now’.
See his Blackberry Pips?… And his ipod and…. he’s got a toothbrush and some Colgate toothpaste…
‘Quickly.’
and a packet of Nurofen and Wrigley’s Spearmint Gum/
‘Quickly George! Before he comes back’.
and these too Pips…
‘What have you got there?’
A packet/
‘Oh my God not…..! OK George this is really embarrassing. Drop them! Drop them! Come here George….please drop them… OK, DROP THEM RIGHT NOW or you are going straight back to Battersea the moment we finish work today! STRAIGHT BACK THERE AND I MEAN IT! Thank you George. Now there are teeth marks all over…. No, go away while I put them back in Simon’s bag. For fuck’s sake George!’
How dare you say that to me about going back to Battersea Pips. You shouldn’t say that to me. I don’t want to go back to Battersea! I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO BATTERSEA!
‘Where are you going?’
I want to go inside the drawer.
‘Do you want to go in the filing cabinet?’
Yes.
‘OK. There you go’.
Can you close it Pips? I need to be on my own for a while.
‘Do you want it closed?’
How can you say you will take me back to Battersea?
‘OK then. It’s probably the best place for you at the moment’.
It is very cru/