Seventy Five

‘Gosh you are muddy. What a rainstorm that was! Let’s give you a good rinse down. No, stay still George otherwise the water will splash everywhere’.
Bubbles at bathtime and singing in the shower
Lovely girls passing in diamanté collars
Peeing on all the rose bushes in spring
These are a few of my favourite things
‘Lift your paw George’.
My bowl and my bone and my ball and my blanket
Quattro stagionis at il ristorante
Running in circles when La Renee sings
These are a few of my favourite things
‘And your other paw…’
Letting Pips talk to the arse when she’s ranting
Meeting and greeting and stationery ordering
Post-its and biros and Tippex and string
These are a few of my favourite things
'George stay still. What are you doing?’
I am cheering myself up if you don’t mind. When the bus comes
When the tosser speaks
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feeeeeeeeel so ba/OW! OW PIPS! It’s hot it’s too hot! IT’S TOO HOT PIPS WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
‘Oh no, what’s….? Oh my God. I’m turning it off. It’s off George it’s off now! Why did it suddenly become hot? Are you OK?’
NO I AM NOT OK. GET ME OUT OF HERE. HELP! GET ME OUT!
‘I’m sorry about that George. It was an accident’.
ACCIDENT? KISS MY ARSE! EVERY TIME YOU GIVE ME A SHOWER THERE’S SOME SORT OF ‘ACCIDENT’. EITHER YOU GET THE SOAP IN MY EYES OR THE WATER IS TOO HOT OR IT’S TOO COLD OR THERE’S TOO MUCH/
‘Oh ssssh now George. It wasn’t boiling. Let’s get you out. I think you’re clean enough now anyway. Let me just grab a towel…’
I am beginning not to feel safe around you anymore Pips. ESPECIALLY NOT IN THE BATHROOM!