Fifty Two

‘No I’m not going to throw your ball George, I’ve told you. Not in the flat. We’ll go out for a walk later’.
But it’s Christmas.
‘This place is too small. There’ll be an accident’.
Please Pips. I do very much want to play with my new ball.
‘George don’t look at me like that. You always make me feel rotten. As though I’m the biggest spoil sport’.
That’s because you are right now, actually.
‘No George. I’ve said ‘no’’.
In that case I will just sit here staring at you until you do. Like this. How do you like it?
‘Oh OK then. You’ve won me over. But just this once, all right?’
Throw it Pips. Throw it and watch me go!
‘There…’
Watch me go Pips. Watch me go!
‘Oh no… Careful of the Christmas tree George!’
I’m going. I’m going. See Pips? I’m go – oh!
‘GEORGE NO! Oh shit…. George what did I say? WHAT DID I SAY?’


‘What did I say George?’
You said ‘be careful of the Christmas tree George’.
‘I said be careful of the Christmas tree George’.
I know. That’s what I just said you said.
‘So what did you do?’
It was an accident Pips. I didn’t mean to knock the tree over. It was the ball’s fault for going underneath it. In fact it was your fault for throwing it in the general direction of the tree. You know full well it is in my nature to chase and fetch as quickly as possible and I should not have to apologise for my nature because it is the very core of who I am. And there was no need to shout at me. It is Christmas, after all, the season of goodwill. At the end of the day it is only a tree and a few lights which you picked up very cheaply at Woollies. Pips? Pips?
‘I hate Christmas George. I feel lonely. Here we are, you and me, on Christmas Day in this little flat with only each other for company and neither of us really understands the other one although we give it a go. And this is our holiday from……. what? Our days are filled with a mundane job for me and a walk on city streets for you – when you’d probably much prefer a country field with rabbits to chase. And you get teased all day long by Simon - which really gets on my nerves - while I rush around doing…. what do I do? I always seem to be busy but it’s not as if I accomplish anything. And I think it’s pretty fantastic that I have you, I really do, but my flat is small and….. I would buy us a big house if I could afford it George. I want you to know that because I do so much want to give you a happy life. I know it’s probably a bit boring for you coming to work with me. Perhaps you would prefer to be living in a family with some children or other dogs. Although thinking about it they did say at Battersea that you didn’t like children….. or dogs….. or cats either, actually, so on the other hand maybe not. I didn’t mean to shout at you just now. I feel awful. I just panicked that you were going to be electrocuted by the lights as the tree came down. Will you forgive me?’
I will think about it Pips.
‘Gosh I think I’m going to cry George’.
Don’t cry Pips, I forgive you. Because it is Christmas after all. And I would also like to say at this point that I am very thrilled with my new collar. I would have preferred a sparkly one but I am very happy with a new red one also. Don’t cry Pips. How about we go for a walk to cheer you up? We could go down by the canal and I can bring my ball with us and we can play my favourite game – the one where I drop it in the water when you’re not looking. Wouldn’t that be fun? I think it would be terrific. You will be cheered up in no time. That’s what games do.