Forty Two

‘Gosh is that Simon’s voice I can hear on the stairs? Quick! George where are you?’
Here Pips, in the drawer. Helping you out with your filing. By the way I am shredding some documents that we no longer/
‘Oh George what a mess! Well at least you’re not where you usually are – in Si/ Hi Simon! Welcome back’.
‘What’s happened to the cleaners?’
‘Nothing. Why?’
‘The stairs are filthy’.
‘Oh’.
‘Have you seen them?’
‘Yes but/’
‘They’re disgusting’.
‘Right’.
‘I could do a better job with my eyes closed. God I’m feeling jetlagged. I need a coffee’.
‘I’ll go and get you one. How was your holiday?’
‘If Lisa calls I’m in a meeting’.


‘Here’s your coffee’.
‘Thanks. So what have I missed while I’ve been gone? By the way who is the girl on reception?’
‘That’s Kelly. She’s covering for Nadine while she’s on holiday’.
‘I didn’t know Nadine was going on holiday. How long has she gone for?’
‘Just a week’.
‘Well Kelly didn’t have a clue who I am’.
‘Oh….’
That will be because you haven’t been here Simon.
‘It might be a good idea in future for the girl on reception to know who the Managing Directors of this company are. Who showed her the ropes? Oh God no don’t tell me. It was probably George’.
Yes it was me Simon and I did the best I could on what was a very busy day.
‘I only have to be away for two minutes and the whole place goes to the dogs’.
That’s not amusing Simon. I haven’t noticed anyone else around here doing a better job.
‘The little sickbag hasn’t been in my room I hope’.
‘No, of course not’.
Yes I have Simon. I was sitting in your chair just minutes ago and I peed on your wastepaper basket when Pips wasn’t looking as a little welcome back gesture.
‘Good’.
You’re welcome.
‘Where is he, the little bugger?’
‘He’s here in the drawer beside me’.
‘I want to see him. George? Come here’.
Simon, I can’t ‘come here’ while staying out of your room can I, actually, when you’re sitting in it, if you think about it. No wonder this place is going to the dogs, as you rudely put it, with directions from management like that.
‘George?’
Up yours Simon.
‘Where is he Philippa?’
‘He’s disappearing into the drawer. He doesn’t want to come out’.
‘Why not?’
Because you’re a grump Simon and filing is more fun than you are.
‘By the way Philippa, your phone rang while you were out next door getting the coffee. I didn’t pick it up in case it was Lisa. Oh! There it goes again’.
‘Good morning, Simon Lewis’s office? Lisa hi. Hi. How are you?…….. No Simon’s in a meeting actually at the moment……… With who? …… Well um with Mr…..Smith. I mean…er…... Can I take/ Hello?…..
.. Hello?……….. She hung up on me’.
Uh oh. It’s all gone shih tzu.
‘Fine. She can carry on hanging up as far as I’m concerned. George!’
It’s all gone shih tzu it’s all gone shih tzu/
‘Come and see uncle Simon’.
It’s all gone shih tzu.

Thirty One

Simon?
‘No! Stop it right there. Don’t you dare!’
Do you think it would be possible to set up a television in the office/
‘Philippa!’
so that I can watch the lads in their World Cup bid?
‘Your dog is in my office again’.
Because Pips says she is already bloody sick of the whole thing and it hasn’t even started yet so I can see that I am not going to be allowed to watch it at home.
‘George come out. Leave Simon alone’.
‘You know that’s it. I’m going to take the little sickbag to see Victoria Stilwell’.
I’m not scared of Vicky.
‘He doesn’t need to see her’.
‘Philippa, he doesn’t even understand the basics. Like ‘no’ for instance’.
I do understand ‘no’ Simon. I understand ‘no’ perfectly well but I choose to ignore it, especially when it comes from you.
‘He just likes coming in to see you that’s all. You should be flattered. He obviously likes you’.
No I don’t really Pips, but he might let me watch the World Cup/
‘If he’s not with you he’s chatting up the receptionist’.
and I would very much like to support our boys.
‘In fact I’m beginning to think he prefers to be with everyone but me’.
That’s not true Pips but you’re always on the phone.
‘That’s because you’re horrible to him’.
‘No I’m not’.
‘That’s not what I’ve heard’.
‘What do you mean?’
‘John Palmer called me earlier’.
‘Who?’
‘The old client of ours who popped in to see me a couple of weeks ago?
He was quite taken with you. Thinks you’re eccentric’.
‘Right….’.
‘I said ‘that’s nothing. Have you seen the dog?’ He said ‘not at first because it had been shut in the filing cabinet’.
‘Oh that was just a little game we were playing wasn’t it George?’
‘I see. So you play games when I’m out of the office do you?’
‘Well no, I mean…’
‘No, it’s OK Philippa. The sickbag had been naughty so you shut him in the drawer to teach him a lesson. Fair enough. Hey, you don’t need to justify your actions to me. Damn good place for him’.

Fourteen

In………...out………….in…….….out, shake it all abou/
'George will you just get in your basket and stay there. Simon will be in today. Can we just get through his first day back without a scene'.
I was just testing to see if perhaps you might consider being a little more lenient this year because I don't really fancy staying in this basket all day besides which I can't breathe under this desk and I would really prefer to …. uh-oh it's the Jeffery West shoes.
'Hiya Philippa'.
'Hi Simon. Happy New Year!'
'And you'.
'How was it?'
'Christmas, New Year or the holiday?'
'All of it'.
'Broke up with Lisa on Christmas Day. Got back together again on New Years Eve in time for midnight and the chimes of Big Ben. Barbados was great but God I'm exhausted. I need a year to recover. Where's the sickbag? Is he not with you?'
'Yes, he's lying in his basket being very good'.
'Let's have a look. Ah! There we are'.
Happy New Year Simon.
'Feeling OK are we this morning? Haven't been sick yet?'
'Don't say that. He's only been sick that one time. Anyway we walked in'.
'How do you know he isn't the runt of the litter? That he won't be constantly sick with one thing or another and be running up huge vets bills'.
'They said he was healthy at Battersea'.
'Well they would wouldn't they? Actually he looks like he's put on weight'.
'Really?'
'Been overeating over Christmas have we?'
'No. Of course not. No.'
'He looks fatter'.
'You think so?'
'Definitely, yeah. Absolutely. You can't see it?'
'No, not/'
'I hope you're not spoiling him. There's nothing worse than over-indulged pets’.
'He's not spoilt'.
'You sure? Well I've no doubt got a mountain of mail to get through so I'd better get on. Can you pop next door and get me an espresso?'
'Sure……………. Wait here George. I'll be back in two minutes'.


'……..well no, I didn't know that. So when did he find out? Oh okay, I see. …… No, I've just got back in….just now, yeah and ….well look, Ieave it with me. I can't promise we can turn it around in a dog but… God what am I…sorry, my PA's dog has just wandered into my office and I’m… what? ….… that was sick, yeah, same one. The one that's supposed to stay in it's basket..’
Simon I just want to say that this may be your Company but 2006 is my Year…
'…..no, he's turning round. He's walking out again'.
so talk to the arse.