Hundred and Twenty Four

Pips! PIPS!
'George? WHERE ARE YOU?'
I'M HERE PIPS!
'I wish you wouldn't rush off ahead of me'.
THERE'S A CITY IN THE TREES!
'Ah! There you are'.
Look Pips! Up in the tree!
'What's the matter? Oh my gosh. Look at all those birdboxes clustered up there. That's amazing'.
I don't think it should be allowed Pips, no I don't. It will only encourage birds and squirrels to come and live here. NO GO AWAY!
'George don't snap at the squirrel. One of those boxes is probably his home'.
I think you should complain to the Council Pips. Tell them it's not a good idea.
'But it is a good idea'.
Who said that?
'Oh look George. You've got a friend. Hello. Who are you?'
'I'm coming Ruthie, I'm just coming!'
'Are you Ruthie?'
'There you are! I knew you'd be here. Are you making some friends? She loves this tree with all the insects, birds and squirrels don't you Ruthie? Every time I've lost her in these gardens - which I do frequently because my legs don't carry me as fast as they used to - I find her under this tree looking up at the wildlife. She gets very excited'.
Right. Well we don't like it do we Pips? We're going to complain to the Council aren't we?
'The Spontaneous City in the Tree of Heaven'.
I beg your pardon?
'Really?'
'That's what they call it. You can read all about it on that sign over there'.
'Oh I didn't see that'.
'I don't know why this tree is called the Tree of Heaven. Do you?'
'No. Doesn't it say?'
'No it doesn't. And who is this young man?'
'His name's George'.
'And he's yours?'
'Yes'.
'George is yours. And what's your name?'
'Philippa'.
'Philippa. Well I hope you don't mind my interrupting your walk but I've only recently moved into this neighbourhood and I don't know many people here yet but it's a pleasure to meet you under this Tree of Heaven as they call it. I'm Elliot by the way and this is Ruthie Fields'.

Hundred and Twenty Three

Pips? Terry? I have composed a poem to celebrate this magnificent occasion. It is called 'Picnic in summer in Hyde Park'. Summer oh summer is here,
Blue skies, grass and billowing clou/
'Oh George now you've trodden in the coleslaw! Honestly! You're so mucky'.
Don't tell me I'm mucky. Did I tell you you were mucky when you stepped in shit last week Pips? No. Because these things happen.
'Get your paw out/'
And if you didn't want anyone stepping in it you should have put the lid on it. Shouldn't she Freddie?
'OK you two, that's it, we've had enough of you stepping in the food and knocking over the wine. I'm letting you off the lead'.
'Is that a good idea?'
'It's fine Philippa. Let them have a runaround so we can have some peace for a while'.
'Hey George let's join in the game of frisbee over there'.
Good idea Freddie. Let's go, let's go, LET'S GO!
'George be good!'
'I can't hear you Pips.....'


'Will's getting married to his new boyfriend'.
'No!'
'In October'.
'But he's only known him two minutes'.
'It's obviously lu-urve'.
'No it's not. It's ridiculous'.
'I don't know. Maybe it isn't'.
'How did you find out?'
'He told me. He came round to the flat to collect some more stuff'.
'Not again. He didn't try to take Freddie did he?'
'No. I think he's got distracted with wedding plans'.
'Well that's good. I mean not about him getting married but.... I'm glad you got to keep Freddie'.


Freddie give it to me!
'Here you go George'.
'Hey! Give us our frisbee back!'
'He's running off with it!'
'Go George!'
I'm going Freddie, I'm going!


'What are the dogs doing?'
'I can't see them. Where are they?'
'I don't know'.
'I can see them! They're over there under the trees. George has got a frisbee in his mouth. I think they're being chased'.
'Oh yes, they're heading towards the Serpentine.
'Oh no George don't/'
'Too late. End of the frisbee game. No not you too Freddie!'
'They're a really bad influence on each other. Oh my God! I don't even know if George can swim! GEORGE! Stay here Terry, I've got to make sure George doesn't drown....'


'Did you two enjoy yourselves playing frisbee?'
Yes it was terrific wasn't it Freddie?
'Yes it was the most fun I've had in ages'.
We felt the wind in our fur didn't we Freddie?
'We did George'.
And we showed them how to jump and catch didn't we?
'We did George'.
Pips can you carry me?
'No don't let yourself be carried George. It gives them the upper hand'.
But I'm tired Freddie.
'Don't sit down George. Come on'.
But I'm exhausted Pips.
'What's the matter George? Are you tired?'
I'm absolutely shattered Terry I can't tell you.
'He wants me to carry him'.
'You're not going to carry him Philippa'.
'Of course not. Come on George, I'm not carrying you. My hands are full with all the picnic stuff and so are Terry's and you're also soaking'.
But I can't take one more step Pips, I really can't.
'I love the way he just sits down and refuses to move'.
'If Freddie can walk to the bus stop George then so can you. Come on'.
'I hope no-one's listening to this conversation Philippa. We're negotiating with a dog'.
'You're right. It's not normal. It's got to stop. George move!'
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT PIPS! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW I FEEL?
'Sssh. Quiet George'.
'You see Terry? This is why I end up carrying him. It just makes life easier'.

Hundred and Twenty Two

'George come out from behind the hollyhocks. Let's go. I want us to get a decent walk in and we have to get to Sainsbury's before it closes'.
Pips? Can we go to the new pet store on the Essex Road? The one that you were rude about because you don't like spending any money on me? I have decided that I would like you to buy me a new bowl because ever since you tried to feed me that cheap rubbish I feel sick every time I look at mine. My stomach starts churning it really does. Freddie was telling me Terry has bought him a new bowl with his name on in glitter which he isn't too keen on but I think it would suit me very well.
'George remind me I need to buy some more washing-up liquid. Where's my list?'
Or Pips? Perhaps you could buy me an extendable lead so that when you are walking too slowly, which is most of the time, I can simply walk on ahead and make some new friends.
'I made a list George. Where is it?'
Or Pips? Pips! Could you buy me a collar with a bell on? I would like that very much. All the girls will know that George is coming down the street and/
'Oh shit!'
What's..? Oh.
'Ugh! It's all over my shoe'.
It's not mine Pips.
'Oh God, what am I...?'
Over here Pips. You can wipe it off on the grass.
'Yuk!'
Over here. That's it. Onto the grass...
'You're such disgusting animals George, you know that?'
It is not our fault if our owners don't pick up after us Pips actually.
'What a mess'.
After all you always manage to pick up after me, even when you're in a hurry/
'It makes city living so squalid'.
or late for work. You always do.
'Thank God I'm not wearing my flipflops'.
Even when I would prefer that you didn't depending on how my stomach has been behaving the night before.
'Well now the grass is covered in shit instead so that's great'.
You always pick up after me, yes you do. And it's terrific when I think about it.
'Why don't dogs ever step in dog shit George?'
Because we look where we're going.
'Then you might realise how revolting it is'.
Oh so now it's our fault for not stepping in our own shit. Well that's nice Pips I must say. Some dogs might say you should have been looking where you were going but not me Pips. Not me. Because I know you were looking for your list although that wasn't strictly necessary when you have me to remind you what you need to buy. What did you need to buy again?

Hundred and Twenty One

BRAZIL HAVE BEEN BEATEN PIPS BRAZIL HAVE BEEN BEATEN!
'Has the match finished? George? Where are you going?'


'Philippa have you got those spreadsheets I asked you to do?'
'I thought they were for next week'.
'No I need them for the meeting first thing tomorrow'.
'Oh. Right. Sorry I thought... well I'll do them now'.
'And can you get Nahindu up here to look at my computer. He said he'd sorted it.
'Yes, I'll call him'.
'And I need a coffee'.
'OK............... ...... Mahinder? Hi it's Philippa. Can you come up here and take a look at Simon's computer? It's the same thing apparently........ Well I think maybe now would be better than in 10 minutes. By the way is George with you?'


'Philippa?'
'Yes?'
'This coffee tastes disgusting. Where did you get it?'
'The us/'
'No-one makes decent coffee anymore'.
'Right'.
'It tastes like bilge water'.


Pips?
'There you are George. Where have you been?'
I've been chatting with Nadine. She's met someone new which is why she's wearing her sparkliest shoes. Isn't that terrific? It's home time. It's home time Pips. What are you doing?
'Philippa? Why is the column on the right-hand side bright red?'
What column is that Pips?
'I thought it would help to make the chart clearer but I can always change it if/'
'Can you tone it down a bit. It doesn't have to be so bright does it?'
'Well.. no. I mean...'.
'Perhaps it could be blue or green or something'.
'Sure'.
What difference does it make if a column is red or blue or spotty orange and purple Pips? It's home time, let's go. Can we play fetch in Bloomsbury Square?
'Oh God we're going to be here all night George. I know you want to go home but I just have to do this and/'
'Philippa!'
'Yes? I'm just coming. Will be with you in a second...........Be good George OK? I'll try not to be long but I have to finish these spreadsheets and Simon is in a really bad mood'.
It's because his team are out of the World Cup Pips and some people are such bad losers, they really are.